Wake

Welcome one and all to the show.

Today's post is the first post in a while where I just talk. If you haven't read any of the older posts, I encourage you to go through the archives and check em out; it's interesting to see how the blog itself has evolved as well as how I have progressed through the past year or so.

Looking back, its been a year since I started (a little more than a year)! Crazy to see how time flies.

Quick update: I've been trying to make this page much more appealing and easy to navigate... more organized if you will. Blogger however is stupid and either I can't for the life of me figure it out or the options simply do not exist. I'll continue to pursue this, for you the reader.

Exams are in a week and a bit, so this post will be the last until right before Christmas.
Also, tell me how im doing with the blog. Look at my reviews, my previous posts, and of course tell me how im doing with this post. I'm always open to constructive criticism, praise, whatever you got.

Prelude: I am going to tell you right now that this post will not have much structure at all. I haven't done this in a while so the little structure that it had before is gone.

Lets get into the nothing.

Do any of you wake up and think, "why am I awake?" I mean, who do you wake up for, why do you wake up, what encourages you to face the day. Maybe I am just thinking too much into things like usual, but honestly it's been bugging me for a while. We wake up, get ready, get on with the day. Why? Where's the encouragement? Do you wake up for yourself? Do you wake up to do something in particular? Do you wake up at the very thought of someone? Do you wake up and get out of bed just for the slight chance that your special someone will encounter you that day? Thinking to yourself, "Maybe today is the day that it happens; maybe today is the day that my life takes a turn for the better."

I guess what I am getting at is, what moves the floor that is beneath you? Just an idea to think about, as I get into the content of the blog.

I've found that the past two or three years, I have been waking up and asking myself those questions. Before that, I didn't question it. Maybe it just comes with age, maybe it's just part of the transition phase to adulthood, I don't know. About a quarter of my life is through, and to be honest I am anxious to see what life has in store for me. I've found that with age I have awoken a different, more brutal Tony. I'm now much more political, my thoughts are much darker in complexity and I've grown accustomed to small talk with other adults. Not only that, In class I find myself taking things from a more logical point of view, rather than the creative side I used to take things from. I don't know whats happened.

Maybe I just woke up.

Am I a better person for it? Probably not. It can be reflected in my poetry. I encourage you to look back in my archives and find the poetry, (again, ill try to categorize and organize everything later) and see how naive it is compared to the piece I am about to post (this week some time). I'm not saying that this new piece is going to be a work of art or anything, not in the slightest. I'm just saying the perspective and tone of the poetry has changed, at least when I look at them.

Thinking about it, I am going to compare this growth and change just as Linkin Park did. First two albums, sick. Really heavy music. Everything was stable. Then they changed, they got into this transition stage with Minutes to Midnight. Then after that they got into the completely different A Thousand Suns and Living Things. Maybe I am just in that Minutes to Midnight phase, where I am not sure whats happening, where I came from, or where I am going. Just a piece of work that has no real direction. That could be it. Who knows, that could be why I wake up and ask those questions.

This post is actually based off the first track on Minutes to Midnight, which I will review during Christmas Break. Wake, just an instrumental. Maybe that's it. No lyrics to my song, just direction. Lyrics come later, when I have something to write about. The journey is more important than the end or the start, and maybe that's where the lyrics come from. Maybe your song doesn't need lyrics

What will your song be? Your story? Your journey?

Will your song march to the beat of its own drum? Its own rhythm? Will your song even have lyrics, or will you let the music do the talking?
Will you be different, unique, what will your song portray about you? Will you let your actions define who you are, or will you tell everyone who you are? Maybe you will use lyrics to make your story a little more intricate.
Or maybe you will just wear a snap-back like every single other person and talk about sex, money, drugs, partying, and sexuality in your song. Sell out, your song becomes a hit. Your story. A hit. Really, it is just like many other songs out there. Everyone's song can be unique in its own way, but you refuse to show any diversity. You say compassion's a fault, and you'll never let it show. Maybe you have done this your entire life, just try to get by. Make your song appealing, and nothing more. I say, make your song different, from the heart. If no one likes it, so be it. Fact is, someone will though. There are people out there who appreciate diversity in opinion. Being different is something that rewards others more than yourself, but its rewards are plentiful.

On a side note, did anyone see the 100th Grey Cup halftime show yesterday? They were literally playing the song in the background so the artists could sing along to it. Why??? Not only that, the misrepresentation of Canadian music was atrocious. We as Canadians do not base our music around what all of those artists do. Beiber? Are you serious? Where's Rush(as much as I hate them, I can respect them), Billy Talent? That represents true Canadian Rock. Bieber represents the pop-industry. Which represents the same thing over and over again. See where the problem is? Not only that, anyone else see him meeting the Prime-Minister? Where does he get off disrespecting the Prime Minster and the rest of our generation by dressing like that? He is not above everyone else, he should have dressed professionally, at least a dress shirt and pants. Come on, its not that hard bro. Show some respect and maturity. You're my age, and frankly its embarrassing..

Back in the saddle.

Make your song sound different, make it controversial. Haters hate, its just the way it is.

Taking a different perspective on things, maybe it's a good thing that a lot of people act the same. In reality, it just makes the crop even sweeter, don't you think so? When you find people that are different, it makes them that much more awesome than they already are. I'm not claiming to be different, because In reality I know that I conform to some social norms. But I think I am being different enough by writing this post. By listening to what I listen to. By acting the way I act. Maybe that's why I have been stuck in this transition phase for a while, because I have been trying to find a balance between what is perceived to be "normal" and who I really am. Maybe you, the reader, are the same way.

In the end, this post was about waking up. Finding yourself, what your drive is, what your song is, how you will compose that song and how much risk you are willing to take to be different.
I know that there wasn't much structure, but I regret nothing. Look forward to the next post, which will be a poem. This week, probably...



Song of the day is by 30 Seconds to Mars off their Self-Title Album. Capricorn (A Brand New Name) is weird. And that's why I'm sharing it with you. Its a weird post, and such a weird post deserves a weird song.

Blame it on the broken heart.

Until next time,

Tony. 

This is it

Welcome one and all for the last time

This is it, the moment I have been trying to create for weeks now. This blog is changing. The next time you will read this blog, it will be different. The name I am hiding for now, but you will see. I will change the URL with the blog, so for those who do not access this blog through me posting it on facebook and have it bookmarked... I will post one last post after this one just saying the URL, making sure everyone who wants to stay in the loop, can.

Don't fret. All of the older posts will still be there for you to look at :)

This post won't just be this status update however, it will be a full one. So lets get underway!

So I wanted to talk a bit about the blog's evolution as a whole. Remember my first post? Those faithful readers who have been there with me since day 1? So much has changed since then. First off, if you look at it, its short xD . Many of my posts have been 1700 words +, that one was like 950 or so... I was so nervous back then to post everything that was on my mind... look at me now :P Though back in October when I started I had many more posts-per-month than I do now.... so looking back at that who would like to see shorter posts but a more frequently updated blog? Leave me some input to ponder upon... :)

Now lets skip ahead in time a little, when I posted my highest-read blog post ever. Sick-Dating. Why were people so intrigued to spend their valuable time reading this? It baffles me to this day. That was the first post that I just said "fuck it, im saying what I want today and I don't care what other people will think". I just... talked. Straight from the heart. And every post after that followed through with that example. The couple before it were... experiments... a prologue if you will. Now we are here... the end of the cold day in the sun for Tony.

Speaking of experiments... those few who actually cared enough to go through the archives and stay updated with the blog without me posting the post on social media, finding it without me putting it in front of them, found what was a lengthy experiment. A series of poetry created by yours truly... meant to decipher these emotions chained inside me... and embrace love. As the poems went from sad-depressing-suicidal-narcissistic to deeply in love- overcome with emotion and simply love itself, I learned a lot about myself. I learned that there were people out there who actually cared for once, that actually listened, and didn't just hear me. And even though in the end the desired results of this experiment did not happen at all... I achieved another result... unexpected and welcome.

Then we moved on to the post-experiment era, where my posts revealed what I felt about myself personally, that I am stitched in my own skin, and if I try to break out I will just bleed and feel more pain. That I miss the old days with friends, staying up all night talking about everything and anything, just having a great time... bonding.... playing halo at 4 am :P It is a feeling like no other, let me tell you. Anyways, I also talked about what was happening in the world, such as my view on the whole KONY 2012 situation... by the way people that thing is in 2 days. Anyone still doing that? I doubt it, it really died down. If they were smart they would have done this a week before the event, back when it was still in everyone's mind and important to everyone.
I talked about music and poetry and how I feel about it... I really have covered a lot throughout this blogs life-span so far. What was your favourite moments, favourite articles, favourite poems, favourite things I said? Let me know :)

Lets also talk about the music I have posted... every post. The music I have posted has almost defined my life during that time. When you look back at depressing times... the songs are either really uplifting or really depressing. When you look at happy times the songs are usually really mellow and calm and collecting. When you look at mellow times, the songs were a bit more dramatic on both sides of the spectrum. I'm looking back at each post as I am writing this actually... looking through each one... its really inspiring for me to see how much I have changed and at the same time how similar I have been for years now.

And how about me asking others to compliment... did anyone actually take on that task and do it? I did, every day even if it was something stupid. It happened, and that's something I can say for sure. Let me know if you complimented someone as well!

And here we are... the end of the ride. The end... the beginning of the end. The end of the beginning is more like it :) This post marks a new kind of blog, a new kind of Tony pouring his heart and soul into these posts that are meaningless to most.. but somehow it keeps me coming back for more. That's something I can't explain, and something I need to discover. In spirit of trying to discover, I will keep writing, I must keep writing. My heart must still beat, I beat it for you.

 Hold on, It's not where it goes, It's where it can lead you to...

Hold on, It's not where it goes, It's where it can lead you to...

Hold on, It's not where it goes, It's where it can lead you to...

Ciao

Stitched in this skin

Hey

Have you ever felt like you are stuck in your skin? Like you don't belong in the body you are in? Like somehow, you ended up in the wrong place? Like you are limited to what everyone see's you to be? Like you can't break free? Like your stitched in your own skin?
I feel like we are all stuck in our own skin, for better or for worse. Not literally, that's just obvious. But the concept of being stuck in a foreign body, feeling like you are on the outside looking in... it's intriguing.

In most cases, Like sticks with Like. Think about it... every group is usually very similar, and has similar and contrasting values that work perfectly together. Or in a more literal approach... have you ever seen an unattractive popular kid? Unattractive sticks with non-popular, while Attractive sticks with popular. It's a dreary way of looking at it, but it makes sense for the most part. Of course, there is always the anomaly. So in a way our skin, as in what other people see of us, really sets limits on what is possible. Unattractive movie star? Almost never. I am a strong believer in thinking that anything is possible, but looking at this concept my thoughts on this are starting to change.
Another example. Think of a presentation. One person could have less information and value in their presentation, but the actual presenting of the presentation is really good. Then another person could have more information, more value, but presented worse. Presentation is everything. Ever heard of dress for success? Yeah... that's exactly what I am talking about.

So in a way, we are all set and doomed with our fate from the start. We are all stitched in our skin. Sometimes, I do things just because I want to do something that goes against what other people would think I would do. Something out of the ordinary. I want to break out of this fucking skin. Its bringing me down. People look at me, and they don't see who I really am, And because of this I don't act like who I really am, because I am trying to act to impress or to try to act like who I am, but instead of just being myself, I act myself. It's demeaning to everyone. Everyone deserves to be themselves, and everyone deserves to experience everyone else being their true self. But that just won't happen, not now, not today. Probably never will... such is the curse of humanity. Trying to impress, when what will really impress is not trying to impress but just being you.

Another point... here in Canada we are extremely privileged; United States too. I don't want to feel fucking privileged. I want to earn my privilege, I want to experience life to the fullest, not the way it is now. Not having everything put in front of my fucking face. I want to earn it. When a blackout happens (K.W kids know), society comes to a standstill. What will I do? Well the T.V won't work, the computer won't work, the internet won't work, so what I can do is go on my phone and use all of that which im missing. I don't know about everyone else, but I miss the simplicity of things... I want to go outside and play a sport, I want to skate on the pond in my backyard, I want to play around with my dog, I want to play guitar and learn new songs. We all know that's not going to happen though. During most blackouts, I spent most of my time on my phone, using the internet and social networks. Actually recently I used the bow-flex and finished my workout goal for the week, which I am pretty stoked about. But in general, I miss simplistic things. Maybe you know what I mean. Maybe you don't.

Well that is it for now. I hope you enjoyed my improved grammar from this blog and I think the last as well. What I am trying to do is slowly make this blog more professional, in my terms that is. Grammar being one of them.
And I hope you enjoyed this blog as well, It was more focused on just one thing. Another thing I want to work on. Please give me some feedback, as I take every bit of it and try to work it into my next post.

Song of the day: Lead Sails (And a Paper Anchor) by Atreyu
I'm starting to get into this band, I really like their style. I hope you do too.
Atreyu: Lead Sails (And a Paper Anchor) off their album Lead Sails and Paper Anchor

Whoa look what I did!!!
edit: Doing this for every song I have posted... this is going to take a while, but look back at previous posts to hear some of these songs if you wish. I might re-post some songs because of this.

Soon there will be something different for song of the day. I hope you will enjoy it, never done something like this before. I've already spent hours on it, recording. Maybe it will pay off, maybe

Maybe some day this will all pay off....
Some day
Some day ...