Wake

Welcome one and all to the show.

Today's post is the first post in a while where I just talk. If you haven't read any of the older posts, I encourage you to go through the archives and check em out; it's interesting to see how the blog itself has evolved as well as how I have progressed through the past year or so.

Looking back, its been a year since I started (a little more than a year)! Crazy to see how time flies.

Quick update: I've been trying to make this page much more appealing and easy to navigate... more organized if you will. Blogger however is stupid and either I can't for the life of me figure it out or the options simply do not exist. I'll continue to pursue this, for you the reader.

Exams are in a week and a bit, so this post will be the last until right before Christmas.
Also, tell me how im doing with the blog. Look at my reviews, my previous posts, and of course tell me how im doing with this post. I'm always open to constructive criticism, praise, whatever you got.

Prelude: I am going to tell you right now that this post will not have much structure at all. I haven't done this in a while so the little structure that it had before is gone.

Lets get into the nothing.

Do any of you wake up and think, "why am I awake?" I mean, who do you wake up for, why do you wake up, what encourages you to face the day. Maybe I am just thinking too much into things like usual, but honestly it's been bugging me for a while. We wake up, get ready, get on with the day. Why? Where's the encouragement? Do you wake up for yourself? Do you wake up to do something in particular? Do you wake up at the very thought of someone? Do you wake up and get out of bed just for the slight chance that your special someone will encounter you that day? Thinking to yourself, "Maybe today is the day that it happens; maybe today is the day that my life takes a turn for the better."

I guess what I am getting at is, what moves the floor that is beneath you? Just an idea to think about, as I get into the content of the blog.

I've found that the past two or three years, I have been waking up and asking myself those questions. Before that, I didn't question it. Maybe it just comes with age, maybe it's just part of the transition phase to adulthood, I don't know. About a quarter of my life is through, and to be honest I am anxious to see what life has in store for me. I've found that with age I have awoken a different, more brutal Tony. I'm now much more political, my thoughts are much darker in complexity and I've grown accustomed to small talk with other adults. Not only that, In class I find myself taking things from a more logical point of view, rather than the creative side I used to take things from. I don't know whats happened.

Maybe I just woke up.

Am I a better person for it? Probably not. It can be reflected in my poetry. I encourage you to look back in my archives and find the poetry, (again, ill try to categorize and organize everything later) and see how naive it is compared to the piece I am about to post (this week some time). I'm not saying that this new piece is going to be a work of art or anything, not in the slightest. I'm just saying the perspective and tone of the poetry has changed, at least when I look at them.

Thinking about it, I am going to compare this growth and change just as Linkin Park did. First two albums, sick. Really heavy music. Everything was stable. Then they changed, they got into this transition stage with Minutes to Midnight. Then after that they got into the completely different A Thousand Suns and Living Things. Maybe I am just in that Minutes to Midnight phase, where I am not sure whats happening, where I came from, or where I am going. Just a piece of work that has no real direction. That could be it. Who knows, that could be why I wake up and ask those questions.

This post is actually based off the first track on Minutes to Midnight, which I will review during Christmas Break. Wake, just an instrumental. Maybe that's it. No lyrics to my song, just direction. Lyrics come later, when I have something to write about. The journey is more important than the end or the start, and maybe that's where the lyrics come from. Maybe your song doesn't need lyrics

What will your song be? Your story? Your journey?

Will your song march to the beat of its own drum? Its own rhythm? Will your song even have lyrics, or will you let the music do the talking?
Will you be different, unique, what will your song portray about you? Will you let your actions define who you are, or will you tell everyone who you are? Maybe you will use lyrics to make your story a little more intricate.
Or maybe you will just wear a snap-back like every single other person and talk about sex, money, drugs, partying, and sexuality in your song. Sell out, your song becomes a hit. Your story. A hit. Really, it is just like many other songs out there. Everyone's song can be unique in its own way, but you refuse to show any diversity. You say compassion's a fault, and you'll never let it show. Maybe you have done this your entire life, just try to get by. Make your song appealing, and nothing more. I say, make your song different, from the heart. If no one likes it, so be it. Fact is, someone will though. There are people out there who appreciate diversity in opinion. Being different is something that rewards others more than yourself, but its rewards are plentiful.

On a side note, did anyone see the 100th Grey Cup halftime show yesterday? They were literally playing the song in the background so the artists could sing along to it. Why??? Not only that, the misrepresentation of Canadian music was atrocious. We as Canadians do not base our music around what all of those artists do. Beiber? Are you serious? Where's Rush(as much as I hate them, I can respect them), Billy Talent? That represents true Canadian Rock. Bieber represents the pop-industry. Which represents the same thing over and over again. See where the problem is? Not only that, anyone else see him meeting the Prime-Minister? Where does he get off disrespecting the Prime Minster and the rest of our generation by dressing like that? He is not above everyone else, he should have dressed professionally, at least a dress shirt and pants. Come on, its not that hard bro. Show some respect and maturity. You're my age, and frankly its embarrassing..

Back in the saddle.

Make your song sound different, make it controversial. Haters hate, its just the way it is.

Taking a different perspective on things, maybe it's a good thing that a lot of people act the same. In reality, it just makes the crop even sweeter, don't you think so? When you find people that are different, it makes them that much more awesome than they already are. I'm not claiming to be different, because In reality I know that I conform to some social norms. But I think I am being different enough by writing this post. By listening to what I listen to. By acting the way I act. Maybe that's why I have been stuck in this transition phase for a while, because I have been trying to find a balance between what is perceived to be "normal" and who I really am. Maybe you, the reader, are the same way.

In the end, this post was about waking up. Finding yourself, what your drive is, what your song is, how you will compose that song and how much risk you are willing to take to be different.
I know that there wasn't much structure, but I regret nothing. Look forward to the next post, which will be a poem. This week, probably...



Song of the day is by 30 Seconds to Mars off their Self-Title Album. Capricorn (A Brand New Name) is weird. And that's why I'm sharing it with you. Its a weird post, and such a weird post deserves a weird song.

Blame it on the broken heart.

Until next time,

Tony. 

Swin Against the Tide

Hey
Welcome back :)
So, I got a lot to talk about... lets see how much typing this will take.

Also, I would like to address my frequent and excessive use of ...
For those who complain about it, its how i write. i have to take frequent pauses and breaks in order to process my thoughts. its like Emily Dickinson with her frequent use of dashes - and such. Nothing made her do that, its just how she wrote and how she thought. so there you go.

onward to me talking to myself!
well like many other blog posts, today's i think is going to be extremely disorganized. Sorry if its a **** to read, and also excuse my language ahead of time.

Well first, I read this quote in this article i was reading that I've seen many times before, and i am sure you, the reader, have also heard of it. its the quote, "If your going through hell, keep going."We, as humans, are constantly adapting to our situations and surroundings. chances are, you're going to look back on that and say, it wasn't too bad, or im proud of myself i was awesome, or i was strong. and it defines you. its a character builder... do things the hard way sometimes. nothing in life comes easy... well i guess some things are but that's more chance than anything. do you think that people become famous athletes because they were born to play that sport? no, its because of hard work and determination and passion and commitment. I bet there were some days where Sidney Crosby wanted to stop playing, or not work out and practice and train... but he did. and look how that paid off... keep going through hell. the prize at the end is worth the sacrifice. its like education... its never appreciated until after the matter. "I hate school"... 50 years later "i wish i would have tried harder in school so i could do what i wanted to do in life". yea school sucks now, but later it will be worth it and the benefits will outweigh the costs. Don't look down, don't look back, can't lose hope, can't lose track. it will all get better, at least that's what they say.

Also, i just saw the movie Act of Valor ... kick ass i recommend it to everyone. very surprising and inspirational... makes me want to fight for my country if the situation ever presented itself. Out of duty and honor, don't get me wrong not because i think it would be fun. i know the military must be hell... but i can't think of many things that are better than fighting for a greater cause and protecting the ones you love. It really surprised the fuck out of me... i went into the theater thinking it was going to be just another war movie.. but it really spoke to me for some reason..


Another thing that really grinds my gears... so to speak... is when people use the word "love" out of context or just throw it around like its meaningless... Love is a very powerful word... it speaks to people. Don't tell someone that you love them if you don't. Don't say that you do if you don't. Don't say it if you don't mean it you ignorant prick.
Also... off that point. Sometimes people really do mean to say something. but don't say it. sometimes... it can make you feel like a fool... and no one knows this more than me. sometimes, love is meant and maybe is the right word to use... but we stray away from it. sometimes, we forget to say to the people we love that we need them, and that we want them there. Nothing hurts more than not saying what you wanted to. Because if you don't say it, you may never be able to. you know what really sucks? When you don't tell your parents that you love them and appreciate everything that they do for you and then you might never be able to say that again....
and also applies for that special someone in your life. if you like someone, tell them how you feel. sure it might hurt, but nothing hurts more than wondering what could have been. no progress is made if no risks are taken. tell them that you need them, tell them that they are the world to you.. oh if i didn't im a fool you see... no one knows this more than me.
Also, why do girls always want what they can't have? (actually, fuck just girls. generally everyone) You know girls, you're wondering where all the great guys are in your life? they are right in front of you, in the friend zone, where you left them out to slowly crisp away in the hot, dry heat of the sun.
 same goes for guys.... want a great girlfriend that you really connect with? chances are, you won't need to search far, but yet we still search for societies idea for perfection when we all form our own idea of perfection... every persons being unique. accepting differences, and their benefits complimenting your imperfections, and your benefits complimenting their imperfections.
No one is "perfect". but someone is perfect for you, and you are perfect for someone. gravity, will pull you two together.

I'm pretty pumped... I got accepted to almost every University I applied to so far... including Brock my #1 choice! Just need to keep my marks up, and im in! such a relief. Brock has the best program in Canada for what im doing... so im pretty stoked about that. my program isn't like saving the world or anything... but whatever. do what you love, and what you love, will love you back. if you love what you do, you will be happy. if you love what you do, things have a way of working themselves out. my 2 cents to anyone trying to figure out what they want to do. just do what you love.


and to finish this article.... im going to state this. some of you might not like this.... but im going to say this. once. and. only. once. when i blog, i take what i believe or what i am thinking and i lay it out for you, the reader to interpret it or get some insight or make what you will about it. I know its probably not right, or whatever the fuck you want to say about it. but do NOT say that this blog is a mistake, that what im doing is pointless.. im trying to be bigger than the rumors, the petty name calling the categorization. I cant take this anymore. I enjoy feedback, good or bad. but do not try to direct this blog, don't tell me to stop. tell me what i can do better, because when it comes down to it i will continue to write this blog even if no one is reading it but me, because it brings internal peace in me.... don't tell me that im running on empty, don't try to start a fight with me, because i will be all too glad to accept. I'm taking the high road going about this though, i wont counter attack... just keep talking while i walk away. call me a sinner, call me a saint. call me an idiot, call me a genius. call me Tony, Call me Anthony. all the same to me. I appreciate compliments like everyone else, so don't think that i don't like it when people do compliment me or the blog, because i appreciate it so much. but do the opposite, call me something negative. ill appreciate it as well. don't try to attack me, because i will just turn it into a compliment and get even stronger. Freak? yea that's me, Geek? yup. Nerd? yup. good friend? i try my absolute best. Ignorant fuck? yup, some could say that. idiot? yup, im pretty dumb. smart? yea i have my moments. point is, im comfortable and confident in who i am and what i represent. I can say now that, i think i know myself pretty well. I have my true, awesome, best friends that have stuck by my side, and i have my values and interests that have not changed. I, am Anthony Francesco Mancuso. This is me. And I think that This, is pretty cool.

k....done. wow... what a rant. for those who made it through that... yea. sorry lol.

Today's song of the day is by Pearl Jam, off their recent album Backspacer. now really i could easily recommend the entire album, its a very easy listen, and really soothes the mind. but the song im going to post is Unthought Known.... yea you read that right. caught me off-guard too. really great sounding band and album... highly recommend.

Pearl Jam: "Unthought Known" off their album Backspacer

I hope some of you are listening to these songs... I'm really trying to expand peoples thought and views in music. because I can listen to a lot of different kinds of music, and respect every type. its all about artistic expression, and different bands and groups and singers and composers or whatever, all express themselves in different ways, which i think is pretty awesome. sometimes... i like to listen to songs without lyrics... just sound. music at its core. it really brings me back down to earth. maybe you do too.... who knows.

well... i apologize if you thought this blog was a waste of your time. and for those who liked it, i thank you as well. i thank anyone who even looks at the blog. it shows interest, good or bad. which is good for me.

I hope you all have a great rest of your weekend, and I hope that those who are feeling down, or sick, feel better soon :) You are all great, and remember to compliment people on some things... you know what happened today at work to me? some customer asked me where a product was, and i told him. and he stopped me half way through explaining where and said "you have an amazing voice! seriously!" and it took me completely by surprise... its moments like that... seemingly insignificant moments like that, that's why i live... little compliments like that make my day. so go tell someone something awesome about them!

that's all for today folks, thanks :)

Ciao

Held the Darkness Over Day, that Night

Hey, how's everyone doing this fine day? (or whatever day you may be reading this on)
So, tomorrows Valentines day. There's a lot more I could say about this day, but when it comes down to it I say let people enjoy it if they have that significant other to enjoy it with, and those who don't can make the day their own, enjoy it in their own way, instead of whining and complaining... something I have been notorious for over my lifetime. Come to think of it, a significant portion of my life has been spent looking for pity and compassion.... I've only realized in the past months that what I have been doing was just plain old pathetic, but that's okay. You live and you learn right? Don't regret things, just reflect, learn, and move on. These things build character ... or at least that's what a good teacher has told me.

Anyways, today's topic is going to be about a couple of different things. First and foremost, Valentines Day.... What I think of it (expanding off the intro), what other people think of it, why it is important, and why it has such an effect on peoples emotions.
So Valentines Day... lived through 17 so far, so why cant I live through another? The day itself is just an ordinary day, but it has been Westernized and thrown at us through consumerism(im not sure if that is the right term, please correct me if I am wrong). It emphasizes romantic relationships and Western 'Love' so much that it almost does the opposite in turn... people without someone to share this exclusive experience with feel intensely left out, unloved, and generally not important. Me personally, I have felt it makes you feel like a complete outcast in a sense. But lets face it, its just another day of the week. You can choose to make it special if you wish, but in regards of not making it special, just treat it like any other day... and if its too hard to do that make it special, just not through love if love is not possible. I remember 2 years ago, what I did for Valentines day since nobody showed the slightest interest in me, was I went paint balling, and afterwards went home and watched Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (fucking love star wars). Sure I didn't have a love to share it with, but I had an awesome Valentines day. Doesn't have to be about love, make it about you. Take Valentines Day, kick its ass, and make it an excuse to just treat yourself if you can't treat others. Another great option is Charity, I know plenty of people who have done charity work Valentines day... what better way to spend Valentines day, the day of love by definition, and share your unconditional love with those who could truly use it.
Valentines Day is by no means a holiday that should be missed or 'deleted', but In my opinion (like every single blog post, remember that, all my opinion. probably not right, but in my mind its what i think) I think that it should be viewed from different lenses...if you know what I mean.
Also, guys and girls, Valentines Day doesn't mean that it is one of the only days where you have to be romantic, you should always treat your significant other, like they are your significant other... I don't mean like over-the-top romantic 24/7, but you know everyone could benefit from some more romantic events and surprises, even if it is something little. The little things give you away.... i stand by this statement. you can give her the most romantic, expensive Valentines Day she has ever had, but if you don't have these little moments of romance and love every now and then... it might not last. By no means am I a relationship guru, but that's just my opinion. For example: say your girlfriend stays home sick one day, or is really stressed out, stop by, give her her favourite flowers, tell her you love her, and I bet you that she will appreciate that more than you would think. that doesn't take much effort, much time, or really much thought, but it shows that you pay attention to the little things, and that you even made an effort should show signs of commitment and passion.
Ok... done that spiel. sorry if i got off track. my minds all over the place (like usual), but this blog really helps me clear my mind. just talking about it, ironing out my thoughts and emotions, its nice. nothing bottles up inside this way.
Next topic... well its really a statement. my confidence has skyrocketed in the past few weeks... why? I really have no clue, but all of a sudden.. I just don't care anymore. Like of-course i still care about stuff... but I now look at it this way. Think about it. you could wake up, and literally do whatever the fuck you want... seriously. (sorry for the language) Want to go to Europe? make some money and go. want to kick ass at school or kick someones ass? work at it. want to finally ask the girl you like, out for a movie date? go for it, no one and nothing is stopping you... once i finally drilled that concept into my head, i just don't care about things i used to anymore. I feel like i have really matured as a person, just from understanding that i could literally do whatever the fuck I want. Live life like your jumping off a cliff and you only have so much time to pull out your phone and tell the people you love that you love them and say whatever is left unsaid and everything. Live life like you only have 200 pages to write about your life, better go out there and have some pretty fucking awesome experiences right? exactly. No regrets, just keep moving forward. you only fail if you don't get back up when you fall. so get back up, get back in life's face, and kick its ass.
This post... really didn't have a theme did it... sorry haha. my bad, i just kept typing. I haven't stopped typing since i started. straight, forward thinking. sorry if this post sucks, but this is what it is. appreciate it, hate it, dont have an opinion about it, don't finish reading this, stop reading after this sentence, whatever floats your boat. Im just happy to know that I can vent like this, and knowing that some people actually read my blog(and experiments) really helps to. I would like to thank everyone who has even set eyes upon this blog, yet alone read it and go even further and look for the experiments. each and every one of you kick ass. like me or not, im saying your pretty cool.
Also, im going to do something big tomorrow... we will see how it goes. one can hope.

ok so song of the day... this is a tough choice... I haven't really been listening to one sole artist or song for a while... my iPod hasn't gone off shuffle for weeks.... neither has my computer. One song that has stuck out for me though, is "Summer's End" by "The Foo Fighters" off their album "Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace." This album is easily my favourite album by the Foo Fighters, every song is just brilliant in my opinion. This song has stuck out for me because of the cold weather recently... With little snow mind you. In my opinion... if its going to be cold it might as well be snowing. this isn't even winter anymore, its like a cold fall. the trees are dead, the grass is green, its -3 degrees, then its 6 degrees... at this point I just want it to be summer already... this song reminds me of summer in every aspect. so here it is, I hope you enjoy it as much as i do

"Summer's End" By The Foo Fighters off their album "Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace"

again, i would like to apologize for the inconsistency of this blog, particularly this post. it is what it is though, like it or not, ill keep going.
But a gargantuan thank you to those who do like it and read it, helps keep it going. knowing that people are at least listening, maybe not agreeing or calling me a complete idiot or selfish bastard or whatever it is, but the fact that they are listening is something right?

Thank you for reading,

Ciao