Out of nowhere. This is something I wrote last night for a contest on allpoetry.com (great website). What I am trying to get across is, the little things in life that we don't expect or never think about are the things that keep life interesting. Running into someone in the halls at school, having your crush randomly talk to you, and of course dreaming... or maybe it was a nightmare. A dream dreamt twice, is a curse inside the blessed. Here it is, my poem.
A Dream Dreamt Twice
What is it like, to dream the same dream twice?
Each detail as vibrant as before, each road untraveled
Is it comforting to know what is to happen next, or a vice?
Does it leave you hopeless, or does it leave you dazzled?
Dreaming the same dream twice, does it make it a bore?
Each step taken, a step taken before
A carousel of madness, churning and turning
A fuse that shines through you, a fire that will not stop burning
A dream into a nightmare, knowing each mistake
Knowing what’s to happen next is a curse inside the blessed
Knowing nothing is real, everything is fake
Removing surprise is something to detest
A nightmare stitched into twice, leaving hopeless remorse
Loved ones falling left and right, I’ve seen it all before
Once was too many, twice is too few
According to this conscience of mine, it must be renewed
Tear out my heart, rip out my soul
Take away my being, bring forth my hell
A world without dreams is about to seize control
Infested with nightmares, eradicate and dwell
Midterms coming up, you won't be hearing from me for a while. Maybe that's a good thing.
Today's post...death...among other things. Depressing? I prefer to remain optimistic about death. Here is what I think about it.
Before I say what I think about it... what do you think about it? When you die, what happens? Do you live in a spiritual realm (heaven, hell, Wisconsin, whatever you want to call it), are you reincarnated into another animal, a tree, another human with its memory wiped with no prior knowledge from the previous life? Maybe we all just rot in the ground... in a state of literal no feeling.
No feeling.. humans are always feeling. If you are wearing clothes, the contact that the clothes are making with your skin providing a feeling, its just that we are so used to it that we feel it, but mostly in our sub-conscience... imagine no feeling at all. Thinking is a feeling... what would that be like? It's hard to imagine...
What about being reincarnated into whatever form... human or non-human. Is that really possible? Is science getting in the way of this.. we can't completely rule it out. We don't know what energy exactly is... what if human's are just energy? Remember energy cannot be created nor destroyed only transferred into different forms. If that holds true, and if humans are just a big lump of energy (I know that we require energy, so why would we be energy... just go with it :P) then when we die our energy would not be lost, only transferred into a different form. I'm just rambling, thinking out loud... but that's what this blog is about.
When I think about death... I personally think about me having been reincarnated from something or someone and that I cannot recall or identify what that was. Now I know what you're thinking, Tony you're a moron, a nincompoop... but this is what I think. If you have been a constant reader of this blog, you know that from the post named "stitched in this skin" that I feel like I have been trapped in this body, or that I don't belong, that I don't fit. My body doesn't fit the sub conscience Tony that is inside me...I can't help wondering about the possibility of me being someone else in the past. That's just me personally.
So I can't really feel bad about death in the end, not even really scared... only limited. Our time is so short, and there is so much unknown in death. To me, its like the first breathe you take and the clock just starts ticking.
Ok, lets get out of that. Might be depressing for some, so lets talk about something a little bit lighter eh?
So for those who know about this... Washington is 3 weeks away tomorrow! Going to be such a sick trip with my buds, its going to be hilarious. Anyone else who is reading this and going, you know what I mean... I know people will probably like the New York trip more... But I always wanted to go to Washington... such an interesting city.
Also, I'm going to Disney World in Florida like 2 days after I come back from Washington! I'm truly blessed this year... and even with the heartbreaks, the letdowns, the leafs and jets not making the playoffs... I think this will help me take my mind off things.. something I clearly need. My mind is a hurricane 90% of the time... the last 10% im sleeping.
Who wants to go to Alaska? Always been my dream.
I want to skydive as well. In fact, that's how I want to go out if you know what I mean... dying. I want to have my life end on my own terms... It's a long story, if you want to know more, ask me!
Now... the biggest issue with me recently has been my timing. You don't even know, it has been so bad as of late. I go on Facebook, see someone on chat, literally click on their name and they go offline.... that has happened every single day this week and most of last week. Just ridiculous. Not just Facebook chat either. In real life too, this has happened. See someone down the hallway, want to talk to them, as I stand up, haven't even taken a step, they stand up and walk away. Many other examples, but I won't bore you. Maybe I already have though.
Another thing... I saw this on the news. Apparently the world is running out of helium. Very important to many things on earth, including us. But we are running out... why? Balloons is a big reason, not even joking. Weird. So stop making helium balloons and just use air and hang them from the ceiling... basically the same thing.
And last thing I will talk about because I know this one is random as hell... Prom. Yup, Prom. It's coming up fast. Very fast. Lo and behold, a decision needs to be made. Am I going to go? If I go, will I have a date. If I go, will I even try to dance? That would be a disaster lol, oh well. You have to make fun of yourself to have fun with others. That's what I find, you need to learn to laugh at yourself. I make a fool out of myself constantly with my friends, and I have a good time.
Last thing I swear... Poetry.
Recently I have been hit with what some call writers block. Me, I call this an evolution. I have been trying to write poetry and I have had some success in creating some that I am satisfied with... Not going to lie I end up tearing up 9/10 of my poems because even if others might think its good, im not satisfied with them. It doesn't represent Tony, who I am, what I stand for, what I love. I have been stuck for weeks on end now, nothing I have been writing has been making any progress at all... so here I was... trying to write poetry right... and then I realized... that I was trying to write poetry... you know what I'm saying? Then I just started writing... not even really thinking... just going with what was on my mind, what theme was portrayed in my thoughts, or even the song that I was listening to. And though the results have been not as great as I thought they would be... I can honestly say that I am satisfied with most of them, regardless of how they turn out. A lot of these ideas don't make sense until I stop trying to make sense of it and just let it sink it, then it hits me. Will I start posting more poetry on this blog? Will the experiment be continued? Well... as of right now I have no intention of doing that, I'm just sharing these with friends and people I can trust... not that I can't trust you if I know you and you are reading this... but its the internet... anyone could read it. The ones I posted before I just posted and experimented and I saw what happened. Now its different though... I guess in the future Ill come to a decision. For now, it's not a pressing matter.
That's it for today... sorry for the randomness :P
Song of the day is by Linkin Park, off their album Minutes to Midnight. Did you hear that their new single is coming out on the 16th? I'm freaking pumped, new album this summer WOOO! Anyways, here is In Between by Linkin Park
Thank you all for reading another blog on Tony's Cold Day in the Sun!
Compliments, remember em.
Ciao
Hey
Welcome back :)
So, I got a lot to talk about... lets see how much typing this will take.
Also, I would like to address my frequent and excessive use of ...
For those who complain about it, its how i write. i have to take frequent pauses and breaks in order to process my thoughts. its like Emily Dickinson with her frequent use of dashes - and such. Nothing made her do that, its just how she wrote and how she thought. so there you go.
onward to me talking to myself!
well like many other blog posts, today's i think is going to be extremely disorganized. Sorry if its a **** to read, and also excuse my language ahead of time.
Well first, I read this quote in this article i was reading that I've seen many times before, and i am sure you, the reader, have also heard of it. its the quote, "If your going through hell, keep going."We, as humans, are constantly adapting to our situations and surroundings. chances are, you're going to look back on that and say, it wasn't too bad, or im proud of myself i was awesome, or i was strong. and it defines you. its a character builder... do things the hard way sometimes. nothing in life comes easy... well i guess some things are but that's more chance than anything. do you think that people become famous athletes because they were born to play that sport? no, its because of hard work and determination and passion and commitment. I bet there were some days where Sidney Crosby wanted to stop playing, or not work out and practice and train... but he did. and look how that paid off... keep going through hell. the prize at the end is worth the sacrifice. its like education... its never appreciated until after the matter. "I hate school"... 50 years later "i wish i would have tried harder in school so i could do what i wanted to do in life". yea school sucks now, but later it will be worth it and the benefits will outweigh the costs. Don't look down, don't look back, can't lose hope, can't lose track. it will all get better, at least that's what they say.
Also, i just saw the movie Act of Valor ... kick ass i recommend it to everyone. very surprising and inspirational... makes me want to fight for my country if the situation ever presented itself. Out of duty and honor, don't get me wrong not because i think it would be fun. i know the military must be hell... but i can't think of many things that are better than fighting for a greater cause and protecting the ones you love. It really surprised the fuck out of me... i went into the theater thinking it was going to be just another war movie.. but it really spoke to me for some reason..
Another thing that really grinds my gears... so to speak... is when people use the word "love" out of context or just throw it around like its meaningless... Love is a very powerful word... it speaks to people. Don't tell someone that you love them if you don't. Don't say that you do if you don't. Don't say it if you don't mean it you ignorant prick.
Also... off that point. Sometimes people really do mean to say something. but don't say it. sometimes... it can make you feel like a fool... and no one knows this more than me. sometimes, love is meant and maybe is the right word to use... but we stray away from it. sometimes, we forget to say to the people we love that we need them, and that we want them there. Nothing hurts more than not saying what you wanted to. Because if you don't say it, you may never be able to. you know what really sucks? When you don't tell your parents that you love them and appreciate everything that they do for you and then you might never be able to say that again....
and also applies for that special someone in your life. if you like someone, tell them how you feel. sure it might hurt, but nothing hurts more than wondering what could have been. no progress is made if no risks are taken. tell them that you need them, tell them that they are the world to you.. oh if i didn't im a fool you see... no one knows this more than me.
Also, why do girls always want what they can't have? (actually, fuck just girls. generally everyone) You know girls, you're wondering where all the great guys are in your life? they are right in front of you, in the friend zone, where you left them out to slowly crisp away in the hot, dry heat of the sun.
same goes for guys.... want a great girlfriend that you really connect with? chances are, you won't need to search far, but yet we still search for societies idea for perfection when we all form our own idea of perfection... every persons being unique. accepting differences, and their benefits complimenting your imperfections, and your benefits complimenting their imperfections.
No one is "perfect". but someone is perfect for you, and you are perfect for someone. gravity, will pull you two together.
I'm pretty pumped... I got accepted to almost every University I applied to so far... including Brock my #1 choice! Just need to keep my marks up, and im in! such a relief. Brock has the best program in Canada for what im doing... so im pretty stoked about that. my program isn't like saving the world or anything... but whatever. do what you love, and what you love, will love you back. if you love what you do, you will be happy. if you love what you do, things have a way of working themselves out. my 2 cents to anyone trying to figure out what they want to do. just do what you love.
and to finish this article.... im going to state this. some of you might not like this.... but im going to say this. once. and. only. once. when i blog, i take what i believe or what i am thinking and i lay it out for you, the reader to interpret it or get some insight or make what you will about it. I know its probably not right, or whatever the fuck you want to say about it. but do NOT say that this blog is a mistake, that what im doing is pointless.. im trying to be bigger than the rumors, the petty name calling the categorization. I cant take this anymore. I enjoy feedback, good or bad. but do not try to direct this blog, don't tell me to stop. tell me what i can do better, because when it comes down to it i will continue to write this blog even if no one is reading it but me, because it brings internal peace in me.... don't tell me that im running on empty, don't try to start a fight with me, because i will be all too glad to accept. I'm taking the high road going about this though, i wont counter attack... just keep talking while i walk away. call me a sinner, call me a saint. call me an idiot, call me a genius. call me Tony, Call me Anthony. all the same to me. I appreciate compliments like everyone else, so don't think that i don't like it when people do compliment me or the blog, because i appreciate it so much. but do the opposite, call me something negative. ill appreciate it as well. don't try to attack me, because i will just turn it into a compliment and get even stronger. Freak? yea that's me, Geek? yup. Nerd? yup. good friend? i try my absolute best. Ignorant fuck? yup, some could say that. idiot? yup, im pretty dumb. smart? yea i have my moments. point is, im comfortable and confident in who i am and what i represent. I can say now that, i think i know myself pretty well. I have my true, awesome, best friends that have stuck by my side, and i have my values and interests that have not changed. I, am Anthony Francesco Mancuso. This is me. And I think that This, is pretty cool.
k....done. wow... what a rant. for those who made it through that... yea. sorry lol.
Today's song of the day is by Pearl Jam, off their recent album Backspacer. now really i could easily recommend the entire album, its a very easy listen, and really soothes the mind. but the song im going to post is Unthought Known.... yea you read that right. caught me off-guard too. really great sounding band and album... highly recommend.
Pearl Jam: "Unthought Known" off their album Backspacer
I hope some of you are listening to these songs... I'm really trying to expand peoples thought and views in music. because I can listen to a lot of different kinds of music, and respect every type. its all about artistic expression, and different bands and groups and singers and composers or whatever, all express themselves in different ways, which i think is pretty awesome. sometimes... i like to listen to songs without lyrics... just sound. music at its core. it really brings me back down to earth. maybe you do too.... who knows.
well... i apologize if you thought this blog was a waste of your time. and for those who liked it, i thank you as well. i thank anyone who even looks at the blog. it shows interest, good or bad. which is good for me.
I hope you all have a great rest of your weekend, and I hope that those who are feeling down, or sick, feel better soon :) You are all great, and remember to compliment people on some things... you know what happened today at work to me? some customer asked me where a product was, and i told him. and he stopped me half way through explaining where and said "you have an amazing voice! seriously!" and it took me completely by surprise... its moments like that... seemingly insignificant moments like that, that's why i live... little compliments like that make my day. so go tell someone something awesome about them!
Hey
hows it going? good i hope, if not, hopefully this blog can cheer you up.
So there's a couple of things I want to talk about today.
First off, I'm going to address people who post things on Facebook and twitter like "i hope i don't wake up tomorrow" and "i hate my life" and "Ive had enough kill me"... look I understand that you might have a lot of problems in your life and that's understandable why you might think like this. But the way I look at it, is life doesn't love anyone.. it doesn't favor anyone.. its not going to give you special treatment. sometimes it cripples people. Life is Never going to love you, so you have to love life. i hope that makes sense to people, because I can't see a better way of looking at life. it is stagnant, neutral, its what is letting us breath every day and live our lives... OUR LIVES, not Life's Lives! life can't dictate who you are.why is a rich man who has seemingly everything, unhappy. and why a poor man can be satisfied with the simplest of things, or why a kid might have the best time ever just playing ball with his dad... something seemingly insignificant brought to LIFE BY US.we dictate how our lives turn out, not life. I understand that disease and extreme poverty or bullying can really get in the way, but you have to appreciate everything you can in life. I understand disease, i have friends and family who have disease.. the kind that kills.. yet they just keep on going, happy to still exist, savoring every day, just trying to smile and help others smile. is there a better purpose in life than to make people happy and to just laugh? this is a sensitive topic, i know. but when it comes down to it, appreciate what you have... and appreciate everyone around you. I used to do this kind of thing a lot... a lot... i was looking for attention, for someone to care. by doing that, i was making people do the opposite. Don't expect everything to fall neatly in place right in front of you ripe for the picking, because it rarely will. like a girl? ask her out. Want to play better in a sport? train, practice. want to do good in school? do homework and study. want sympathy and help for your problems... that would really help you... find friends that truly care about your well being over theirs. I would like to remind everyone that, since this is a sensitive topic, that this is all of my opinion, and is not necessarily right... probably not right at all. this is how i look at it, and I've had success. so i hope you can too. and remember, easier said than done... everything is.
I think about this as well, that really helps me. Life, Dreams, Death. This sequence is not always linear. tell me if you want me to further elaborate in the next post, because i have a lot to say on this. i just don't want this post being too long... probably going to happen anyways.
And this brings me to my second point... after an epic discussion with a friend last night... the kind we used to do all the time back in grade school and early high school... god i miss those days. anyways, after talking for a while... i figured something out that i think really applies. Your friends, are your personality. your friends shape who you are, and you shape your friends. you are your friends, and your friends are you. well if they are true friends who actually care about your well being then they are.... like it goes without saying that I would die for my friends. this is how my friend group is anyways, and i think that this concept of your friends are your personality.. really makes sense. maybe it applies to you and your friends? that would be pretty cool. I don't know if i can really say anything else about this... its hard for me to translate my thoughts into writing... but i hope this makes sense to people.
that's today's post. its much shorter than the last... and i hope you liked it. if you didn't then im sorry and ill try better next time. these posts i make are off of ideas in my head.. some will always be better than others.
The song of the day is by Coldplay... yes i also like Coldplay. sorry if you don't but i think their music is brilliant and soothing. the song is called Clocks off their album A Rush of Blood to the Head. I hope you enjoy it as much as i do :)
Coldplay: "Clocks" off their album "A Rush of Blood to the Head"
that's it. today s post. thank you for reading. thank you for looking at it, then stop reading half way or even a quarter through. thanks for even acknowledging this blogs existence. thank you all.
compliments help people who are having a bad day, so remember to say them every now and then. you never know how far some simple words might go.
until next time :)
Ciao
