my mind is a tangled mess right now, so bear with me if im jumping from topic to topic or whatever.
so im going to start off by saying something that I realized last night at work. Self Esteem starts off low, and it is raised by earning it. incredible, after all of these years of me thinking what is wrong with me, why am i like this, i finally realize that, the reason i don't feel good about myself is because i haven't done much to make myself feel good. those moments of confidence and me feeling good about myself, was like caffeine, it wore off. and I know why now, it wasn't something I could truly feel good about for a long period of time. scored the winning goal in soccer? who cares. when I helped an injured player to the bench, that matters. studying hard for a test and getting a good grade? awesome, but its only one test. how about the other 7 tests for that one class? to feel good, you really need to accomplish something sentimental, something with more value than what it portrays. something that will last, and will take much more to break down than a simple accomplishment. just something to think about... at least now i know the problem; the solution comes next, whenever that may be.
Here's a problem, why do schools always cram in so much work during the last couple weeks of school? can't teachers better plan this out? I mean, my biology teacher, he planned it out in such a way that our last test until exams are on the last week, but thats it. no more than that, this last test is all we need to worry about until exams. that is smart. what isn't smart is having a test and a project due in the same week, especially since, there are plenty of weeks where nothing is even due. so heres my proposal, teachers must submit a plan and follow it to the best of their abilities, a schedule if you will, that will make it easier on the students, because almost everyone i know has like 4 summatives in this last week, which is just dumb. or atleast, give students a schedule for when everything in the semester is due, so we can better plan this out. we are left scrambling, and our work will most likely be impacted.
I dont even know how im going to keep my marks at 80s. especially English, its ridiculous. so much work, like we have an in class essay next week on Hamlet, and we won't have any idea what we are writing on until monday, then we write on tuesday, and shes keeping out work on monday so we can't work on it monday night(even though im working, so it wouldn't make much of a difference). to me, shes hanging us out to dry. what if the topics she gives us, are my weakest ones? what if i can't find textual evidence fast enough? i dont know, if she gave us a little bit more to work with beforehand, it would have been much easier. And then things get scary, even if i do keep up my marks... what the hell is University going to be like? im kind of pulling out my hair just thinking about that. oh well, the best thing to do is to just focus on what is directly in front of you, and don't think about the future until everything is out of the way... it clutters the mind way to much.
So the other day, i was watching this Alaska documentary, beautiful place. I always wanted to visit Alaska, everything is so much less industrial up there, a much more peaceful way of living. but this documentary really disturbed me at one part... where they were showing the townsfolk catching, and slaughtering a whale as part of tradition...it was one of the most intense things i ever had to see... i could almost feel the agony that the whale was thinking...you know? i had that feeling in my gut that something was wrong with that... i mean, who does this? they say its tradition, but do they not know how many whales are left in the world? not many, at all, and they were just slaughtering it as tradition, and when they dragged it onto shore, the kids started climbing over it, and the adults started butchering it and cooking whale, and.. it was all just so wrong in my eyes.
i could go on forever about what im thinking about, but i think this is already long enough... and random enough. sorry if this wasn't my best post. theres too much in my brain if you know what i mean, way to many thoughts to say everything im trying to say.
So todays song of the day will be "Injection" by Rise Against, off their album The Sufferer and the Witness. They are a great band, and i highly recommend them to anyone.
Rise Against's "Injection" off their album The Sufferer and the Witness
I hope everyone has a great day, and remember to compliment someone for something, help build some esteem right?
Farewell
No comments:
Post a Comment