Poetry in Motion

Hey, welcome back.

Today, I'm going to be talking about music. Yea I know, music again; this time it's slightly different though. Music that paints a picture.

Have you ever listened to music, maybe before you go to sleep like I do, and your eyes are closed... and depending on the song you picture certain settings, images, colours, even certain people in your life? I might be crazy, actually that's probably more likely than a lot of things I say on this blog. but It happens to me.... every song I listen to (the music i prefer anyways, play Friday by Rebecca Black and I will get migraines) does this to me.
 Especially during moments when you are simply thinking for no real reason... you know what I'm talking about? Those moments where you just lay down, eyes closed or unfocused, completely unaware of your surroundings, just thinking about everything and anything... for me this happens for hours on end, something I'm not proud of... it keeps my self-esteem caged in, unable to flourish. I look out my window on weekends if it is a clear night, until like 3 am some nights... not even looking at anything in particular just looking at the night sky that has been shrouded by the city lights... seeing the few stars that can still shine so bright... actually most of those stars are probably dead already. We are seeing those stars as they were tens of thousands of years ago, since space is so vast it takes that much time for light to travel and reach us. There is a good chance that they are dead... anyways back on topic. I just look, and think, about life, about my past, my friends, my family, those who I have lost along the way. Those I live for, those I would die for, those who make an impact on me even with the simplest gesture or a simple conversation. I think about my future, where I'm going, what I'm doing, who I have to leave behind, who I will miss, those I won't miss.. everything, really everything.
When this is happening, I either have complete silence or I have music playing... this is when the pictures start to form, when the scenes, the images, the colours start to come in on their own without me even knowing about it. The music paints these scenes for me, and depending on the song they vary in scope and scale drastically. For example, when I listen to In the End by Linkin Park, I picture a desert, with a small source of water slowly drying up and there is nothing it can do to escape the brutality. Or maybe a song you might be more familiar with, Everlong by the Foo Fighters... When I listen to that song I picture a distant star, a distant planet, a distant sun, a distant moon. I could go on for thousands of words about what other songs make me picture... one more actually. Colours, some songs are associated with colour in my mind. Some songs make me picture darkness, the colour black, a midnight blue colour. Others make me picture white, blinding light. Others are yellow. Others are blue...
Anyways, what I am trying to get at here is just a thought of mine. Music is just poetry in motion. I think that it is astounding how music can bring together certain senses. Hearing, Vision, some songs even have a "rough" feel or a smooth flowing feel.. my music does this for me. Every song is a unique experience, not only in sound but in sight and in feel. It's incredible... I can only hope that the music you listen to does this for you. If you can't tell music is my life and that may be the reason why it's so connected to me and my senses... maybe this is more common than I think though and I am just a bumbling idiot... always a possibility.

That was today's idea... I think I am starting to overcome this writers block that I have recently contracted. Maybe the writers block was a sign to stop the blog... that it's over... that the well is all dried up... the snow has melted and with it my drive. Shit... I guess I will let you all know whats going on with it. For now, enjoy some posts. I have ideas and I'm not going to stop the blog until all of my ideas are done... maybe time is running out... the first breathe in and the clock started ticking.

Song of the day is by Shinedown off their brand new album Amaryllis , also the song name.

Fantastic album and a great song, Highly recommend that you listen to it. I'm also posting Bully by Shinedown also off Amaryllis, another great song.

That is it for today... I hope it made sense.
Thanks for reading. The number of people reading this has dropped dramatically, maybe another sign to stop it. I don't know, there is a lot of irons in the fire so to speak, I need to wait and work things out. Maybe freshen up the look? Yeah, Ill do that right now actually. New background for now, maybe a new layout... maybe some songs that I have played myself... footage is crap but I guess we will let the viewer decide. Soon... Soon

Thank you for your time once again,

Ciao

Remember the Name

I claim to know plenty of people, and plenty of people claim to know me. I am lucky to say that I have a very wide variety and generally wide-in-numbers friend base. I think I am on good terms with a lot of people, and I hope that they could say the same for me. It hit me, why would people even think about remembering me? Even think about me or what I've done?

Say in 30 years or so there is a high school reunion. When I walk through those doors would people even remember me? Would people be like " Oh hey, there's Tony! I remember him!", or would people be like "Who is this again?". What have I done to make people care? Whose life have I even made an impact on? What will I be remembered for? What will become of this fucking fog that never fades away? I have no clue where I'm going or what will become of who I think I am, and what will others store away of their past experiences with the self-challenged Anthony Francesco Mancuso... or Tony Mancuso... or whatever you would like to think of me. You know what I can say... I will never forget my true friends and I hope to God that they will never forget me, but will others remember me? I can't recall making a big difference in anyone's life outside my immediate friend group or friend group that has drifted away somewhat. What will you remember me for? Certainly not this blog, certainly not my mediocre freelance poetry.

What is this post even about? I don't know, I'm just writing. Making an impact, leaving a positive impression, leaving positive long lasting memories, making long lasting... life lasting friendships with those you care about... it's what is on my mind.

Don't say things that you don't mean.
Don't call me something that you don't believe I am to make me feel good about myself.
 Truth would help me. Why can't people be honest with me? Don't I at least deserve that?

With what I have done so far, not many. But you know what? If you think this post is a big lets watch Tony bash himself post, you are wrong. I think that the people who will remember me are remembering me for good reasons, and genuinely want to remember me. Its not quantity its quality, and I think that I have the quality part down. Maybe I should work on the quality though. Maybe we all could work a little more on the quality.

So I got a 98% on the project I got back today, I got a total of 67/68, one mark wrong. I thought I would be happy, but I just felt this feeling inside like something's missing. I was satisfied with my mark, and in Grade 12 I have been satisfied will all of my marks so far, but that is not enough apparently. Besides my immediate friend group, very... I mean VERY few people even make an attempt to talk to me. I have made little to no connection with anybody. I know some of these people, they don't even say hi anymore.... not since grade 11. I don't know what happened, but whatever did it ruined what I have worked so hard to build. People's trust and good opinion of me. Their opinion of my friendliness.

If you are reading this post, congratulations. I'm not posting this, if you find it it's on your terms, your interests, and that shows something to me. I'm posting this to vent, I'm posting this to maybe open up people's eyes about themselves as well, so that they can truly appreciate the good and maybe see the bad as well, maybe even the pointless.
You see, this post was about identifying my weakness, my strengths, what people will not remember me for... this is important for identifying what people will remember me for. I maybe if you can decipher what my mind was trying to do here, you could do the same. I had writers block, I still do. But this is as close as it gets to launching an offensive on this.

I could list many regrets in my life... but I prefer to overlook a lot of these. If I didn't I would be pretty miserable. I try to only see the best in me, and the best in others too. If I had one regret... it would be trying to be someone I wasn't for so many years. It wasn't until last summer that I realized that It doesn't matter what other people want me to be, I am me and I decide who I am on my own terms. I have a fantastic group of friends that I am lucky to have... so fucking lucky I don't deserve them... but what I don't have is an image. something a lot of other people have. Here is a question... when you think of Me, Tony... what do you honestly think? What are the first thoughts that come to your mind? I can't think of anything... can you? Help me out here, maybe this entire post was a waste. If you are even reading this far... congratulations. You are one step closer to understanding Tony's Cold Day in the Sun.... or maybe one step further. I don't expect many to read this, read this far, or even understand the purpose of this... I don't know. This is it though. That is this.

One Way or Another

Hey

Sorry I haven't posted much this month... tons going on (even during the break).
I'm just going to talk today. Nothing special, just what is on my mind.

So Yesterday It was me Birthday, and I'm now 18. Weird stuff. I remember back when I was younger and I wanted to be older, and Now all I want is to be younger. I suppose we all think that anyways though, one way or another.
 I'm 18. I have been alive for 18 years on Planet Earth. I am now legally an Adult. What does that even mean? I still feel, look, and act exactly the same as I did before. It's weird.

I think I can speak for the majority when I say that we all want to be successful in life. What we want may be different though. What do we define as success? Money? Power? Doing something that you like? Easy work? A challenge? Making a difference? Fighting for your Country... In my opinion, we are all fucking clouded by what we think we want, and what we actually want. School tells us to do good, so we can make a lot of money and do a job that you actually want to do. That is great, and for the most part that is probably the best way to go about things, you know? Not closing any doors for your future.

But what about fighting for your country? What about the soldiers who opted to join the Military and contribute, protecting our freedom? Some soldiers join the military not because they will pay for their education, not because they aren't capable of anything else, not because it's their last resort, because they want to. They feel a certain duty; to serve the many and to protect the freedom of the many, some of them paying the greatest sacrifice. It intrigues me, those who join the military with serious interests in those values... they are heroes. I guess what I'm getting at here is, if the time ever comes where your country needs you, where the people need a hero, would you stand up and fight? I know we would all say that we would, but who would really be willing to make the greatest sacrifice for people who you don't even know? People who you would probably never meet? I'm not saying that I would, I'm just thinking out loud. I'm not ruling it out either though, it's impossible to really say until something like that happens, and if it does I think it really depends on if you really are comfortable with who you are and what you stand for. I guess that applies to everything though doesn't it, and I guess that we all have thought that at some point, one way or another

Today's post is...shorter. The fact is, my mind is in such a mess right now I don't know what to think. I have what you call, writers block right now. I want to say so much and I think I have a lot of great ideas but I can't translate those thoughts into words... you know what I mean? Maybe I will just translate it into song sometime, music speaks volumes, works speak paragraphs.

The song of the day is by Coldplay, the song is called Lost off their album Viva la Vida. Great album, and I think an under appreciated song. Here it is, I hope people actually listen to these

...What is this? A second song of the day? Yuppers, here she is. It's by the Foo Fighters, off their album Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace and the song is called Statues.

Two gems right here, posted for you the faithful viewer :)

Sorry the post was a little bit short again, I hope to conquer this barrier I can't even identify soon enough.

Remember, compliments help cheer people up and can make someones day. So give them as a gift whenever necessary :)

Ciao

Shout

These are the things I can do without.

1. Drama
Suck it up. Things have a way of working themselves out 99% of the time. Like it or not, shit happens; deal with it and move on with your life so more shit can happen...possibly in your favor.

2. Political Activists... Facebook style
Ok, I understand that you have an opinion and would like to express it on facebook for your friends to read and interpret... but it is no ones judgement to say if you are right or wrong, or if you are dumb or smart.. or whatever they might be claiming. Everyone has different opinions, and everyone's opinion must be respected. Also, love how everyone becomes politicians and activists on facebook when really they probably wouldn't have found out if it wasn't for social media in the first place. They are also probably posting that status about said issue (a la KONY) because everyone else is doing it. It is an endless chain. In reality, I know a couple of people on facebook who actually are interested and ACTIVE in real life with these issues, and I have a tremendous amount of respect for them. Others... they are just along for the ride. Im not saying to stop posting things or to stop caring... but don't claim you are all high and mighty when in reality you are on the bandwagon with everyone else. Leave these things to the people who actually give 2 fucks.

3. Social media in general
It takes over peoples lives. Start a relationship? Oh no, I need to let everyone on my friend list know about it! Something happen in your life? Actually, more accurately something did not happen? Time to let everyone know on social media. There is nothing wrong with letting people know what is happening in your life... actually kind of the point of Facebook in the first place..but status updates like "FUCK MY LIFE" (something along those lines, you know what I mean) or (_______ is such a __________ I can't believe she/he ____________ ). Cool story bro, guess what... It doesn't involve me, or 95% of your friends list. Kind of annoying. Also, for most people the first thing that they do is go on facebook or twitter... instead of just living their lives (cant find the right words to explain what I mean... maybe you kind of know what I mean?). I'm a big hypocrite when it comes to these things... because I used to do this a lot. Not anymore though, I realized my doings. Anyways... here's what I'm trying to say in a nutshell
- Takes over peoples lives
- Pointless status updates
- Attention Seekers
- Nay Sayers
- Did I mention it takes over peoples lives?
- Addicting, because it takes over peoples lives
You get the point.

4. People who do not go outside when it is absolutely gorgeous outside
I don't know about your friends... but some of mine are like this. They would rather stay inside and play video games than go outside and play some road hockey, or go biking, or go for a run, or a leisurely stroll, or frolicking in the fields... maybe not so much the last one, but you get it. I like being outside, especially when the weather is very welcoming like it has been all week so far. I even like the rain, its refreshing. To me, being outside will always be better than staying inside when the weather is nice... I hope more people come to appreciate the weather. Be active while you still can... because when your 86 years old you won't be going for bike rides every day... unless your a hero like that. That would be sick actually... new life goal!


5. Self- Centered People
K. Look. If all you are going to do is talk about yourself, why am I listening? It should be 50/50 about yourself and about them... if anything. A conversation should always be random... you know? Well some of them... but for the most part, if you keep talking about yourself or keep changing the subject back to yourself, people might get annoyed. People who do things just for self-benefit instead of trying to help someone, I'm looking at you here too. Help others, they might help you. Done.


6. Make-up
I definitely talked about this before, but to me it's demeaning to women. Guys don't need make-up but girls do? No, if anything the other way around. My nose has a bump in the middle of it and is curved all weird (seriously..take a look at it lol), I have some pimples all up in my face, I have enormous bags under my eyes 75% of the time... I could go on. It's hilarious though, I don't do a fucking thing about it... and I'm ok with that. I accept who I am, what I look like, and move on with my life. Girls.... for the most part... wear makeup to cover some minor blemishes.... you know what... if I keep talking about this the post won't stop. So I will save this for another post.


7. Flip-Flops
Never liked them, they are uncomfortable and they always fall off my feet. I can never find them, and when I do its always only one, the other one I probably left a the beach... Sandals are better, but I never liked those either. Running shoes are the way to go.

That's all she wrote. The list could go on, but there's a couple of things I could do without.

Song of the day is by The Smashing Pumpkins. Enjoy :)

Hope everyone is having a great march break!
Ciao

Beating Hearts Grow but Never Die

Hey, hows it going? :)

So for today's blog I am going to briefly talk about this whole KONY thing, I'm sure you know about it but on this blog you can read my opinion and take on this situation. Also going to talk about something pretty cool in my opinion, Mass Effect 3. Going to also talk about Halo 4, and Halo in general. After all of my nerdy video game talk, I will conclude with something more general that has been bugging me for the past couple of months. I am talking about something that might have been in a previous post but hasn't flown away completely from my mind yet; that being

So, KONY 2012. You have probably heard about it, maybe even watched the video. I think it's inspiring, but I have heard many opinions from both sides of the argument, one being it is real and the other being it is a scam. Personally, I think it's real. Why? Well it looks like a tremendous amount of work for a lie right? Plus even if the exact situation is not real, I still support it because it's not like Kony is the only person doing this around the world. There is plenty of injustice, especially with things like recruiting children into an army or just child labour in general, and everyone knows how fast this has spread. To me, it's a good indicator of what kind of power the internet has, think about it. Almost everyone in 1st world countries, industrialized nations in particular, know about this now. It has gained worldwide steam. Ask any middle class North American, higher class, even some lower class, and they will know exactly what you are talking about. And it all started with this you tube video and this internet movement. That's just insane! The fact that this many people have taken notice and are caring and taking action about this, on the internet, shows exceptional potential in my eyes. Sure, you might now be able to prove that it is real or fake, but what we can all get out of this is that the internet has power, and that we can choose to use this power for good. I mean, why not right? Whether you support KONY 2012 or are tired hearing about it, I think we all stumbled upon something magnificent. I do support KONY 2012 though, and yes I will be out April 20th putting up posters. Because even if there is a slim chance of this whole thing being 100% true and honest, we should all support it.
Then there is the government approach to all of this. I have heard numerous times from many different people that they think this is a government scheme to get full control over Uganda. There is facts for this, and probably some truth in the government wanting control, but to me I cant see this being real. In the video, they clearly bash on the government, why would the government false advertise themselves? Reverse psychology perhaps? Possible, but to me I can't see it being real. It's funny because I just watched a segment on T.V (CNN) about this, as I am typing. The NOT FOR PROFIT ORGANIZATION Invisible Children stated that they did manipulate some statistics, but they did it in order to make it easier to understand and watch. Also, they do admit that the Ugandan military is also very cruel, and that they also have done some cruel things. They also admitted that Joseph Kony's LRA has slowed in recent months, but in large it is due to their work. Now I know you can't believe everything that you see on T.V or the internet, but I can't see this being all a scam or phony at all. My opinion of course, everyone is entitled to theirs.

O-K. Video Game time! I don't think I have talked about games in my blog before, and if I have it was brief. "Brevity is the soul of wit" - Polonius (Hamlet). Haha love that quote, that play in general was just awesome. It kind of goes against this blog in a sense, the posts always turn out being much too long. But no matter, I have a lot to say, and therefore the blog posts are usually long. Something I will work on for sure, maybe more frequent updates but shorter posts? Ah, way off topic. MC gets side tracked easily.
Mass Effect 3. What a series Mass Effect turned out to be. Every decision in every game makes a huge impact on the direction of the game and story, and each games major decisions are imported into the next game, and then the major decisions from the first game and the second game are imported into the third game... Imagine all of the different possibilities? To me, that's one of the best parts about Mass Effect; you actually feel like you have crafted the game yourself... something special imo. Also, to me and many other gamers out there, Mass Effect feels like today's generation of Star Wars. The depth and soul in the Mass Effect universe is gargantuan... ridiculous... amazing. And it holds a special place in my teenage years for sure.
Halo 4... everyone has probably heard of Halo. Me and my friends grew up with Halo, and seeing Halo 4 for us is a dream come true. We love Master Chief and Cortana, and I really hope that the Arbiter is in there as well, hes my favourite character hands down ever since Halo 2 when they introduced him. Halo 4 they are going in depth to the character of the Chief, and it's also a different development studio as well. It will be interesting to see where it ends up
Ok, Video Game talk is done. Different I know, I might do more of it in future blogs.

Lastly, I am going to talk about Poetry 
Poetry: I think that poetry is one of the best forms of expression, next to music and art(photos and videos included). I cant rank all 3 in a position, because to me it depends on the situation. But Poetry is unique, in the sense that you are trying to say something in a way that... hmm... this is the beauty of Poetry, I cant even explain it 3/4 of the time. And when I write it I don't know why, how, or what I am doing. It just kind of happens, and to me that is the best thing. Me and Poetry have been good friends since about grade 7. I may not be the best poet, or even a good one at that, but it brings peace in me. When im done writing a poem that I am satisfied with, I feel pure.... like all the care in the world is gone, and... I just achieve harmony. It's only for a short period of time of course, but that makes it all worth it. Poetry is just the experience of trying to find the right words and phrases to describe those feelings that you just can't explain. It's trying to strum the heart strings, and make music. It's the thoughts that breathe, and the words that scream. It's a painting that attempts to speak. To me, this is all awesome. Which is why I am doing that acoustic poetry thing at school tomorrow, to try and speak. If you don't try, you can't succeed. I guess we all thought that, one way or another.

I am done. I hope you enjoyed it :)
Song of the day is going to be by, you guessed it, Linkin Park. Can't get enough of this band. Here it is.
Linkin Park: "When They Come for Me" off their album A Thousand Suns

Everyone have a great day! Changes coming soon to this monster.
Ciao

Stitched in this skin

Hey

Have you ever felt like you are stuck in your skin? Like you don't belong in the body you are in? Like somehow, you ended up in the wrong place? Like you are limited to what everyone see's you to be? Like you can't break free? Like your stitched in your own skin?
I feel like we are all stuck in our own skin, for better or for worse. Not literally, that's just obvious. But the concept of being stuck in a foreign body, feeling like you are on the outside looking in... it's intriguing.

In most cases, Like sticks with Like. Think about it... every group is usually very similar, and has similar and contrasting values that work perfectly together. Or in a more literal approach... have you ever seen an unattractive popular kid? Unattractive sticks with non-popular, while Attractive sticks with popular. It's a dreary way of looking at it, but it makes sense for the most part. Of course, there is always the anomaly. So in a way our skin, as in what other people see of us, really sets limits on what is possible. Unattractive movie star? Almost never. I am a strong believer in thinking that anything is possible, but looking at this concept my thoughts on this are starting to change.
Another example. Think of a presentation. One person could have less information and value in their presentation, but the actual presenting of the presentation is really good. Then another person could have more information, more value, but presented worse. Presentation is everything. Ever heard of dress for success? Yeah... that's exactly what I am talking about.

So in a way, we are all set and doomed with our fate from the start. We are all stitched in our skin. Sometimes, I do things just because I want to do something that goes against what other people would think I would do. Something out of the ordinary. I want to break out of this fucking skin. Its bringing me down. People look at me, and they don't see who I really am, And because of this I don't act like who I really am, because I am trying to act to impress or to try to act like who I am, but instead of just being myself, I act myself. It's demeaning to everyone. Everyone deserves to be themselves, and everyone deserves to experience everyone else being their true self. But that just won't happen, not now, not today. Probably never will... such is the curse of humanity. Trying to impress, when what will really impress is not trying to impress but just being you.

Another point... here in Canada we are extremely privileged; United States too. I don't want to feel fucking privileged. I want to earn my privilege, I want to experience life to the fullest, not the way it is now. Not having everything put in front of my fucking face. I want to earn it. When a blackout happens (K.W kids know), society comes to a standstill. What will I do? Well the T.V won't work, the computer won't work, the internet won't work, so what I can do is go on my phone and use all of that which im missing. I don't know about everyone else, but I miss the simplicity of things... I want to go outside and play a sport, I want to skate on the pond in my backyard, I want to play around with my dog, I want to play guitar and learn new songs. We all know that's not going to happen though. During most blackouts, I spent most of my time on my phone, using the internet and social networks. Actually recently I used the bow-flex and finished my workout goal for the week, which I am pretty stoked about. But in general, I miss simplistic things. Maybe you know what I mean. Maybe you don't.

Well that is it for now. I hope you enjoyed my improved grammar from this blog and I think the last as well. What I am trying to do is slowly make this blog more professional, in my terms that is. Grammar being one of them.
And I hope you enjoyed this blog as well, It was more focused on just one thing. Another thing I want to work on. Please give me some feedback, as I take every bit of it and try to work it into my next post.

Song of the day: Lead Sails (And a Paper Anchor) by Atreyu
I'm starting to get into this band, I really like their style. I hope you do too.
Atreyu: Lead Sails (And a Paper Anchor) off their album Lead Sails and Paper Anchor

Whoa look what I did!!!
edit: Doing this for every song I have posted... this is going to take a while, but look back at previous posts to hear some of these songs if you wish. I might re-post some songs because of this.

Soon there will be something different for song of the day. I hope you will enjoy it, never done something like this before. I've already spent hours on it, recording. Maybe it will pay off, maybe

Maybe some day this will all pay off....
Some day
Some day ...