i feel closer to my results, yet even further away. the inevitable will occur, there is nothing i can do to stop it, only embrace it. is the end near, or is it just the beginning... will she ever see, will i ever see. this thing, this fucking emotion i cannot get a hold of, has a hold of me. there's a reason why i cannot control it, for one cannot control its master. i am but a grain of rice in this bowl, ready to be devoured, worthless... meaningless, i must find meaning... love is controlling isn't it
One Winged Angels
Close they flew along the green oceans tide
Leaving an imprint that continues to rise
Watching a world unfurl with grace
One winged angels, face to face
Rising up, shedding the glory of light
Beginning the day, ending the night
Whispering leaves sound the breath of peace
As all other aspects of life do cease
Sentimental as the stars and skies above
Two one-winged angels fell into an everlasting love
The clouds silver
linings do part way
As the aurora
creates a regal display
While these two lovers do embrace
One-winged angels face to face
Holding one another to make one wing two
High above the ocean these lovers flew
maybe she will never know, maybe this experiment has gotten out of hand, but i must keep trying, results must be made, i must find meaning
welcome one and all to the show, im wired up, fired up fucking ready to go
first post of 2012! exciting stuff... new years resolution? mine is to get into Brock U, and still have time to make the school soccer team. but today, im expanding on new years resolutions in a number of different ways, you will see as you read.
so first off, what are your resolutions? first time ive asked something like this, but feel free to comment and let me know! maybe i can help you achieve it, maybe i can talk about it in a blog post, or maybe it will give me ideas for a poem or something..
but what im talking about today is, first off, people who make resolutions and instantly break them, or very quickly break them. why would you pick something that was clearly so unobtainable? for me, i know i can get into Brock, i just need to keep up my hard work at school, and the soccer team is a bit of a stretch, but i think i can still do it. im talking about people who say, im never smoking again after this day, or im never drinking, doing drugs ect. it doesn't work like that people, these goals are so big and general that they are nearly impossible to complete. completing these goals requires a plan, and it takes a long, long time. of course the reward is big afterwards, but the process makes it almost unbearable. this process also applies to people who make promises or take on tasks to big for them to complete. you need to know your barriers, your values, your abilities, and in the end, you need to be comfortable with who you are, understand who you are, and be strong in what you believe in (not necessarily religion, but i guess that applies as well). for example, if someone walks up to me and says, tony you need to get pregnant (LOL) i know that, that is just not happening for clear reasons. now thats a very dramatic example but the context still applies in the end. another example, if someone tells me that Linkin Park sucks and that they have no talent, i will argue back because i am strong in what i believe in, my values, and for the most part, im comfortable with myself. i do not give a ********** if someone think otherwise, i like what i like, and they are just going to have to deal with it. this example applies to the same values and system i explained earlier but in different context. these values and being comfortable with yourself basically says how happy you are going to be in life. a guy could have little to nothing, but still be happy. and a millionaire can be depressed, you all know the drill. if that guy with little to nothing takes what he has and makes the best of it, why shouldn't he be happy? im getting way of context here, but its coming down to being reasonable with your resolutions and promises and being comfortable with yourself.
now, to move on to something a little more depressing, but it still has the same idea as a new years resolution. I strongly believe in this... Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment. think about it, hope sets you up for the possibility for failure. never play with hope, always go with instinct and a sure thing, settle for nothing less than the best, be the best you can be. people who hope to accomplish some of these resolutions are naive, for example, i know a guy who said he has like 40 new years resolutions and actually named each and every one off for me, many of them being so broad and general. im thinking to myself, dude, your setting yourself up for failure, for disappointment, this is false hope at its finest. anyone can get lucky, but the lucky can't get everything. hope, also sets up the possibility of success, but also the possibility of failure, you can't get one without the other in some way.. this is my thinking
hope is the first step on the road to disappointment.
So that's it for today, i thought of another topic while typing this up actually, but thats for another blog
i would just like to thank every single person who even glanced at my blog, trolled my blog, hated my blog, commented on the blog, liked my blog, and anything else in between. all of you really make me want to keep on posting more and more of these, its a joy to write these now. im doing this blog for me, but its nice to know that i can do it for others as well, so a sincere thank you from me :)
the song of the day is by Linkin Park( again, sorry they are just the best thing ever in my eyes), and, well, its not even really a song, its a speech by Martin Luther King Jr. and its been beautifully, if not masterfully portrayed in this compilation by Linkin Park... its incredibly moving to me, and i hope to you as well. The song is off their album A Thousand Suns, and is called Wisdom, Justice, and Love. the way King's voice becomes more and more robotic and emotionless and ruthless as the song moves onward is masterfully done, and the concept behind it is beautiful. i hope you all understand it. This speech by Martin Luther is about how we as human
beings are becoming more and more ruthless towards each other. As the
song progresses onwards, King's voice becomes increasingly more
emotionless and robotic just like we humans are becoming so emotionless
to the point that we can do such horrible things, as mentioned in the
speech, to each other.
Linkin Park: "Wisdom, Justice and Love" off their album A Thousand Suns
another day, another year... its incredible to think that this year im graduating highschool, and going to university and moving out... i feel like i have been ready for years but now that its finally here... i really regret not doing everything i could in life so far. The King of Regret, i have become
today... well tonight...well this morning, its all about 2012... how dumb is this... "The planets will all align causing cataclysmic events to occur". why? because they are aligning.. so what does that mean? not much, at all. its happened before, and we are still here. then there's the movie 2012 which i find quite funny because of the way they envision it... fireballs the size of buildings raining down from the sky... earthquakes that literally separate entire continents within seconds, tidal waves that completely engulf countries... bad acting...ZING. im sorry but for this to happen, im sure its going to take more than the planets aligning, because when it happened before, that did not happen. at all. when they think the last one happened, it was around the time of the ice age, but heres the catch, it happened after the ice age started. so it did not cause it. it was just mother nature doing her thing, because change is necessary, and an analogy for this is, sometimes when your reorganizing your room or anything else, you need to destroy it and make it really unorganized, so it can be reorganized. just like when mother nature needs to re organize the balance of everything, it does its thing and change is brought upon us. and the Mayan theory about how their calendar ends... their calendar has ended many times, it means that their new calendar would just start. everyone is entitled to their opinion and i respect that, but to me, this whole end of the world nonsense is not happening. riots will happen oh im sure of that, but not the end. to me, the end is either going to be the sun exploding in like a couple of billion years, us killing each other and taking the planet with us, or, if we do venture outside of our solar system and find another somewhere else in our galaxy, the collision of our galaxy and the Andromeda galaxy which will occur in a couple of billion of years, will most likely rip everything we know out of existence.. you see the Andromeda galaxy is much much MUCH bigger than ours... and its on a collision course with our galaxy. we have seen pictures of galaxy's that have merged through telescopes.. either Hubble or Spitzer, and it completely changes the structure of it.. spirals become ringed... ringed become spirals... its all crazy. and basically, Andromeda is going to eat us for dinner. in fact, current pictures of Andromeda show a very small galaxy near its proximity before ours... like VERY small, and its being sucked into Andromeda's core, what we think is a super-massive black hole (multiple black holes making one giant one) and basically, a mirror image of what is our eventual fate. of course, this is all in i believe 4.6 billion or 5 billion or something years.. so nothing to worry about, who knows if we will even last that long as a race.
Astronomy is my secret obsession... im completely awe-inspired by space and everything it holds... always keeps me interested, always more to learn, more to see, its simply brilliant. but yea, back to my main point, 2012 seems ridiculous to me, and i guess time will tell to see if the world ends... my money is on it not happening.
So thats it for tonight anyways, tomorrow im probably going to do one last post before the new year, around 7 ish maybe... after im off work and before i go to my friends house.
The song of today is What a Shame by Shinedown, off their album The Sound of Madness. great song, really brings out the hate in todays society... what a shame.
Shinedown: "What a Shame" off their album The Sound of Madness
Remember to compliment someone sometime every day, it helps bring out the best in everyone, in you and in them, help people be the best they can be... help them build their esteem, remember esteem starts low and needs to be built, people need help sometimes laying down the bricks.
Salutations and see you all soon. Hidden treasures, experiments gone wrong
lately i have been thinking too much... more than i normally do... this is what i essentially come up with, this thing, this.... fucking feeling i cannot get across, that i cant reach, that i cant understand... sitting just out of the reach, beckoning me, alluring oh it is... but i must keep trying, this experiment will have results... but i guess we all thought that, one way or another
I wish you were next to me
in this rain soaked night
holding hands, scheming of things pretty
oh how I wish I could be right
You won’t reach for me will you?
I mean nothing to you
I can see it in your eyes
please don’t say the last goodbye
Chilling rain, fills the ocean of despair
thundering grey clouds lurk above
yet you leave me at the roadside
hang me out to dry
Alas, I always come back for you
your intoxicating smile
the apple of your eye
the rotten core inside mine
I don’t deserve to have you
I can’t chase the dark without you
you take the breathe right out of me
how pathetic is this quest I ensue
I can’t go on
I can’t pretend everything is fine
when i just want to be with you
lady, so divine
i couldn't sleep... i decided to write this to help clear up my thoughts. another "thing" for this experiment of mine... the goal, it may be unobtainable. but I need to keep on trying, for her, for me, for us. she is love.
Another "thing" for the experiment. Im still not sure about this, considering its right from the heart... its hard to let others view it, but i must keep trying in order to get results, to find an answer to my question. Here it is, observe
Logistic of Love
*She loves me not, I know this not sure.
The absurd grasp of my mind, thinking about
her
Remembering every reaction, message, thing
she said
Why can’t I get this girl, out of my head?
Her smile, intoxicating
Her voice, irresistible
Every moment I spend, my mind makes amends
Ti Amo, the world is long gone
As the world revolves, my mind stops
It reveals that inner peace is unobtainable,
Until I can see her, my heart is in disarray
Questionably, when I see her I feel the pain
of it ending
Every day, has not begun until I see her,
talk to her
See her smile, feel myself smile, sealed up
tight.
Upon a Dream, she appears within the abyss.
Whatever happened to logic, as it slowly
falls apart
Different, yes, but all is unique. there are many, many more. they will be revealed as the sand falls slowly through my fingers.
hope everyone is having a good Christmas and stuff
so today, im going to talk about, well, a lot actually. the title says it all, is nothing sacred? what raised this question in me was at work when i was on break and me and another staff member were talking. she was all pissed off because her boyfriend did something that wasn't even too bad, and she said she was going to dump him, then started laughing and she was all happy about dumping him... meanwhile in my head im thinking... is nothing sacred anymore? is her relationship so shallow that she can laugh about breaking up? To me, I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone unless i know it might be something special, something that i can look back on fondly, not spitefully. relationships are more than what lies on the surface... its about a deep connection between two people that cannot be replicated. in my mind, i believe that every relationship is unique in its own way, but that doesn't mean that you can just pass it off as something disposable. relationships, like the stars in the sky(to me), have sentimental value. there is supposed to be something more than whats on the surface, something between the lines, something that no one can describe. another example, some girls asked one of my co workers out at work while on the job, and he wasn't even trying to flirt at all he was just doing his job and being nice (kudos to him lol). while we were laughing about it, i had a thought, is nothing sacred? are those girls really that shallow that they will ask a guy out that they literally just met and talked to for less than a minute? that is just.... words can't describe what im thinking... its a mix between frustrated (about the youth of today) and disappointment (about them sinking so low). take the time to get to know the person before you take the next step... its like skipping a step when assembling something.. its not going to turn out right. you need to assemble a relationship, step by step, piece by piece, its just really frustrating to think that people would skip steps like this.
also, i was buying something at a store the other day and i just saw a massive amount of plastic being unnecessarily used in simply putting my product in the bag. first off, there was a plastic case holding the disc. then, there was plastic wrapped around the plastic. then, there was a plastic bag that held the item. then, the bag ripped so he double bagged it. i was thinking, is nothing sacred? that was such a waste of material and... just the amount of waste that is created just making that and using it and disposing it.. do we even realize how much these little things are impacting the environment? we can't even recycle most of these materials, it just ends up in landfills. at some point, i think someone just needs to walk up to corporate America and just say, guys your screwing the pooch on this one, in the sense that in them making money, they are destroying the planet, and eventually there will be no more planet to live on to have that money. its a cycle that can ONLY end bad.
Ok, so that's all for today, i have a lot on my mind, and i need time to untangle these massive amounts of cords in my mind. piece by piece, step by step, i will. and then and only then will i be done with this blog. when that time comes, i will let you know. but for now, i hope you enjoy the read.
The song of today is "Generator" by the Foo Fighters off their album "There is Nothing Left to Lose." i love the lyrics in this song, especially the chorus with the motor heart... its genius. so, enjoy and here it is.
Foo Fighters: "Generator" off their album "There is Nothing Left to Lose"
Also, fun fact, the Foo Fighters concert in New Zealand created tremors equal to those created by volcanic activity... Fucking Rock and Roll right there :)
Remember, give someone a compliment.. its always nice to receive some gratification for something right :)
