This is it

Welcome one and all for the last time

This is it, the moment I have been trying to create for weeks now. This blog is changing. The next time you will read this blog, it will be different. The name I am hiding for now, but you will see. I will change the URL with the blog, so for those who do not access this blog through me posting it on facebook and have it bookmarked... I will post one last post after this one just saying the URL, making sure everyone who wants to stay in the loop, can.

Don't fret. All of the older posts will still be there for you to look at :)

This post won't just be this status update however, it will be a full one. So lets get underway!

So I wanted to talk a bit about the blog's evolution as a whole. Remember my first post? Those faithful readers who have been there with me since day 1? So much has changed since then. First off, if you look at it, its short xD . Many of my posts have been 1700 words +, that one was like 950 or so... I was so nervous back then to post everything that was on my mind... look at me now :P Though back in October when I started I had many more posts-per-month than I do now.... so looking back at that who would like to see shorter posts but a more frequently updated blog? Leave me some input to ponder upon... :)

Now lets skip ahead in time a little, when I posted my highest-read blog post ever. Sick-Dating. Why were people so intrigued to spend their valuable time reading this? It baffles me to this day. That was the first post that I just said "fuck it, im saying what I want today and I don't care what other people will think". I just... talked. Straight from the heart. And every post after that followed through with that example. The couple before it were... experiments... a prologue if you will. Now we are here... the end of the cold day in the sun for Tony.

Speaking of experiments... those few who actually cared enough to go through the archives and stay updated with the blog without me posting the post on social media, finding it without me putting it in front of them, found what was a lengthy experiment. A series of poetry created by yours truly... meant to decipher these emotions chained inside me... and embrace love. As the poems went from sad-depressing-suicidal-narcissistic to deeply in love- overcome with emotion and simply love itself, I learned a lot about myself. I learned that there were people out there who actually cared for once, that actually listened, and didn't just hear me. And even though in the end the desired results of this experiment did not happen at all... I achieved another result... unexpected and welcome.

Then we moved on to the post-experiment era, where my posts revealed what I felt about myself personally, that I am stitched in my own skin, and if I try to break out I will just bleed and feel more pain. That I miss the old days with friends, staying up all night talking about everything and anything, just having a great time... bonding.... playing halo at 4 am :P It is a feeling like no other, let me tell you. Anyways, I also talked about what was happening in the world, such as my view on the whole KONY 2012 situation... by the way people that thing is in 2 days. Anyone still doing that? I doubt it, it really died down. If they were smart they would have done this a week before the event, back when it was still in everyone's mind and important to everyone.
I talked about music and poetry and how I feel about it... I really have covered a lot throughout this blogs life-span so far. What was your favourite moments, favourite articles, favourite poems, favourite things I said? Let me know :)

Lets also talk about the music I have posted... every post. The music I have posted has almost defined my life during that time. When you look back at depressing times... the songs are either really uplifting or really depressing. When you look at happy times the songs are usually really mellow and calm and collecting. When you look at mellow times, the songs were a bit more dramatic on both sides of the spectrum. I'm looking back at each post as I am writing this actually... looking through each one... its really inspiring for me to see how much I have changed and at the same time how similar I have been for years now.

And how about me asking others to compliment... did anyone actually take on that task and do it? I did, every day even if it was something stupid. It happened, and that's something I can say for sure. Let me know if you complimented someone as well!

And here we are... the end of the ride. The end... the beginning of the end. The end of the beginning is more like it :) This post marks a new kind of blog, a new kind of Tony pouring his heart and soul into these posts that are meaningless to most.. but somehow it keeps me coming back for more. That's something I can't explain, and something I need to discover. In spirit of trying to discover, I will keep writing, I must keep writing. My heart must still beat, I beat it for you.

 Hold on, It's not where it goes, It's where it can lead you to...

Hold on, It's not where it goes, It's where it can lead you to...

Hold on, It's not where it goes, It's where it can lead you to...

Ciao

Swin Against the Tide

Hey
Welcome back :)
So, I got a lot to talk about... lets see how much typing this will take.

Also, I would like to address my frequent and excessive use of ...
For those who complain about it, its how i write. i have to take frequent pauses and breaks in order to process my thoughts. its like Emily Dickinson with her frequent use of dashes - and such. Nothing made her do that, its just how she wrote and how she thought. so there you go.

onward to me talking to myself!
well like many other blog posts, today's i think is going to be extremely disorganized. Sorry if its a **** to read, and also excuse my language ahead of time.

Well first, I read this quote in this article i was reading that I've seen many times before, and i am sure you, the reader, have also heard of it. its the quote, "If your going through hell, keep going."We, as humans, are constantly adapting to our situations and surroundings. chances are, you're going to look back on that and say, it wasn't too bad, or im proud of myself i was awesome, or i was strong. and it defines you. its a character builder... do things the hard way sometimes. nothing in life comes easy... well i guess some things are but that's more chance than anything. do you think that people become famous athletes because they were born to play that sport? no, its because of hard work and determination and passion and commitment. I bet there were some days where Sidney Crosby wanted to stop playing, or not work out and practice and train... but he did. and look how that paid off... keep going through hell. the prize at the end is worth the sacrifice. its like education... its never appreciated until after the matter. "I hate school"... 50 years later "i wish i would have tried harder in school so i could do what i wanted to do in life". yea school sucks now, but later it will be worth it and the benefits will outweigh the costs. Don't look down, don't look back, can't lose hope, can't lose track. it will all get better, at least that's what they say.

Also, i just saw the movie Act of Valor ... kick ass i recommend it to everyone. very surprising and inspirational... makes me want to fight for my country if the situation ever presented itself. Out of duty and honor, don't get me wrong not because i think it would be fun. i know the military must be hell... but i can't think of many things that are better than fighting for a greater cause and protecting the ones you love. It really surprised the fuck out of me... i went into the theater thinking it was going to be just another war movie.. but it really spoke to me for some reason..


Another thing that really grinds my gears... so to speak... is when people use the word "love" out of context or just throw it around like its meaningless... Love is a very powerful word... it speaks to people. Don't tell someone that you love them if you don't. Don't say that you do if you don't. Don't say it if you don't mean it you ignorant prick.
Also... off that point. Sometimes people really do mean to say something. but don't say it. sometimes... it can make you feel like a fool... and no one knows this more than me. sometimes, love is meant and maybe is the right word to use... but we stray away from it. sometimes, we forget to say to the people we love that we need them, and that we want them there. Nothing hurts more than not saying what you wanted to. Because if you don't say it, you may never be able to. you know what really sucks? When you don't tell your parents that you love them and appreciate everything that they do for you and then you might never be able to say that again....
and also applies for that special someone in your life. if you like someone, tell them how you feel. sure it might hurt, but nothing hurts more than wondering what could have been. no progress is made if no risks are taken. tell them that you need them, tell them that they are the world to you.. oh if i didn't im a fool you see... no one knows this more than me.
Also, why do girls always want what they can't have? (actually, fuck just girls. generally everyone) You know girls, you're wondering where all the great guys are in your life? they are right in front of you, in the friend zone, where you left them out to slowly crisp away in the hot, dry heat of the sun.
 same goes for guys.... want a great girlfriend that you really connect with? chances are, you won't need to search far, but yet we still search for societies idea for perfection when we all form our own idea of perfection... every persons being unique. accepting differences, and their benefits complimenting your imperfections, and your benefits complimenting their imperfections.
No one is "perfect". but someone is perfect for you, and you are perfect for someone. gravity, will pull you two together.

I'm pretty pumped... I got accepted to almost every University I applied to so far... including Brock my #1 choice! Just need to keep my marks up, and im in! such a relief. Brock has the best program in Canada for what im doing... so im pretty stoked about that. my program isn't like saving the world or anything... but whatever. do what you love, and what you love, will love you back. if you love what you do, you will be happy. if you love what you do, things have a way of working themselves out. my 2 cents to anyone trying to figure out what they want to do. just do what you love.


and to finish this article.... im going to state this. some of you might not like this.... but im going to say this. once. and. only. once. when i blog, i take what i believe or what i am thinking and i lay it out for you, the reader to interpret it or get some insight or make what you will about it. I know its probably not right, or whatever the fuck you want to say about it. but do NOT say that this blog is a mistake, that what im doing is pointless.. im trying to be bigger than the rumors, the petty name calling the categorization. I cant take this anymore. I enjoy feedback, good or bad. but do not try to direct this blog, don't tell me to stop. tell me what i can do better, because when it comes down to it i will continue to write this blog even if no one is reading it but me, because it brings internal peace in me.... don't tell me that im running on empty, don't try to start a fight with me, because i will be all too glad to accept. I'm taking the high road going about this though, i wont counter attack... just keep talking while i walk away. call me a sinner, call me a saint. call me an idiot, call me a genius. call me Tony, Call me Anthony. all the same to me. I appreciate compliments like everyone else, so don't think that i don't like it when people do compliment me or the blog, because i appreciate it so much. but do the opposite, call me something negative. ill appreciate it as well. don't try to attack me, because i will just turn it into a compliment and get even stronger. Freak? yea that's me, Geek? yup. Nerd? yup. good friend? i try my absolute best. Ignorant fuck? yup, some could say that. idiot? yup, im pretty dumb. smart? yea i have my moments. point is, im comfortable and confident in who i am and what i represent. I can say now that, i think i know myself pretty well. I have my true, awesome, best friends that have stuck by my side, and i have my values and interests that have not changed. I, am Anthony Francesco Mancuso. This is me. And I think that This, is pretty cool.

k....done. wow... what a rant. for those who made it through that... yea. sorry lol.

Today's song of the day is by Pearl Jam, off their recent album Backspacer. now really i could easily recommend the entire album, its a very easy listen, and really soothes the mind. but the song im going to post is Unthought Known.... yea you read that right. caught me off-guard too. really great sounding band and album... highly recommend.

Pearl Jam: "Unthought Known" off their album Backspacer

I hope some of you are listening to these songs... I'm really trying to expand peoples thought and views in music. because I can listen to a lot of different kinds of music, and respect every type. its all about artistic expression, and different bands and groups and singers and composers or whatever, all express themselves in different ways, which i think is pretty awesome. sometimes... i like to listen to songs without lyrics... just sound. music at its core. it really brings me back down to earth. maybe you do too.... who knows.

well... i apologize if you thought this blog was a waste of your time. and for those who liked it, i thank you as well. i thank anyone who even looks at the blog. it shows interest, good or bad. which is good for me.

I hope you all have a great rest of your weekend, and I hope that those who are feeling down, or sick, feel better soon :) You are all great, and remember to compliment people on some things... you know what happened today at work to me? some customer asked me where a product was, and i told him. and he stopped me half way through explaining where and said "you have an amazing voice! seriously!" and it took me completely by surprise... its moments like that... seemingly insignificant moments like that, that's why i live... little compliments like that make my day. so go tell someone something awesome about them!

that's all for today folks, thanks :)

Ciao

Just Thinking out loud

Welcome back one and all to the show

So exams are done, and now a new semester is upon us. What will this bring? Only time will tell I suppose, but I have had a lot on my mind during the month...ish long absence from the blog. A lot of it is really simplistic, some of it depressing, some of it really obvious, some of it strange.. Readers will find out what I mean during the next couple of posts.  Just remember that I'm not trying to bum anyone out, I'm Not trying to be dramatic I'm just thinking out loud. So lets jump right in shall we?

Listen up... are you listening? are you just letting it enter one ear and sending it out the next? there is a difference between Hearing something, and Listening to something... I don't think that people know this difference. I just don't understand why... its not that complicated. Actually care about what someone is saying... because if they are making the effort to talk to you, and not just speak at you, the least you could do is listen, and care. this is another thing... do people know the difference between Talking to someone, and Speaking at someone? I find that this is what separates the music that really impacts people individually and the music that people just like. everyone has that one song that they love... well you should anyways... and for me its basically any Linkin Park song. but things have changed a lot with them. their first 2 albums (incredible btw) are really focused on heavy singing, riffs, rhythm, and more. but their recent 2 albums (also incredible btw) are much different in the means in which they present this style... They have matured and have learned how to sing to people, not at them. think about that... its hard to explain, but i hope you know the difference. this is the same context as listening to someone, and hearing someone, and talking to someone, or speaking at them.  If someone is making the effort tot talk to you, please listen and don't just hear them. respect their effort, and care about what they are saying... this doesn't have to apply to everything now, because not everything needs to be intently listened to, such as jokes with friends or whatever where your just having fun and stuff like that... but there is a time for everything. what sparked this topic in my head was a simple situation that i have seen far too often, but never really saw any meaning in it. here's a scenario that i was placed in. I was out for brunch with my Dad after an early work shift (like 7 freaking am) and beside us was this couple... the girl seemed like she was talking to him, seriously, expecting him to weigh in on her situation and give his support and care... and actually listen... this wasn't happening. the guy was on his phone, looking all around the room, genuinely not giving a ****, and giving one word responses like "yeah" or "ok" or "sure"... what was this dude's problem. across the table from him, was his gorgeous girlfriend making the effort to talk to him and spend time with him and care for him... he didn't give 2 ****s. Then it hit me... I thought to myself "I have seen this way too many times." I know that its a really dumb, simple concept, but its The little things that give you away. the big things in life aren't worth it. it's those small moments of awesomeness or sorrow that people remember and carry with them throughout life. it shapes who you are... in my opinion of course. I don't even know what to say about that guy, but I won't judge.... he could have been tired or not really interested in her anymore or something, but in general ive seen this far too much.. its a grotesque trend that i keep seeing... and this was at the beginning of January. I have seen this at least 3 more times after that, and countless times before. all in all, what i am trying to get at is listen to people, don't just hear them. talk to people, not at them. if someone is making the effort to talk to you, listen, respect, and care. that's all. say what you wish about me or this, but this is what I stand by.
this also goes with texting as well. pet peve of me and a lot of other people i know... don't you hate it when you send a long text and you get like 3 words back? same thing as above. effort made but not respected by the opposite. and when people take forever to respond ( i know people might be busy, but nevertheless it still sucks) and you respond much faster only to get a response 3 hours later... or maybe not at all... and that combined with the 3 word response... just hurts. again, just a text and people have shit to do but jumping out of a window and landing on a flat pillow won't help much.

I have at least another topic really forefront in my head right now, but I need some time to let it settle if you know what I mean. Maybe after some sleep I can process what I am thinking right now. Thank you for reading, and hopefully listening.

the song of the day has got to be the song I have been listening to like mad over the break and during exams. A Linkin Park song... an unreleased song that was supposed to go on their debut album Hybrid Theory but was not put on due to artistic difference from the rest of the album... I really hope that they officially release this song on one of their albums just as a bonus track or something.. because it is truly something special. it captures the essence of loneliness and winter perfectly... i just picture a dark, winter night where the snow is falling gracefully, slowly, yet heavily. i don't know, just me i guess. here it is, and i hope you like it
Linkin Park: My December (unreleased)

Thank you for reading... the new year will hold a lot of surprises, disappointments, and most likely... only a sprinkle of success... but thats all you need. life is about those failures, those bad experiences... it makes the good moments even better. thank you for listening, good night to all

Ciao

No one is gonna save us now

welcome one and all to the show, im wired up, fired up fucking ready to go

first post of 2012! exciting stuff... new years resolution? mine is to get into Brock U, and still have time to make the school soccer team. but today, im expanding on new years resolutions in a number of different ways, you will see as you read.

so first off, what are your resolutions? first time ive asked something like this, but feel free to comment and let me know! maybe i can help you achieve it, maybe i can talk about it in a blog post, or maybe it will give me ideas for a poem or something..

but what im talking about today is, first off, people who make resolutions and instantly break them, or very quickly break them. why would you pick something that was clearly so unobtainable? for me, i know i can get into Brock, i just need to keep up my hard work at school, and the soccer team is a bit of a stretch, but i think i can still do it. im talking about people who say, im never smoking again after this day, or im never drinking, doing drugs ect. it doesn't work like that people, these goals are so big and general that they are nearly impossible to complete. completing these goals requires a plan, and it takes a long, long time. of course the reward is big afterwards, but the process makes it almost unbearable. this process also applies to people who make promises or take on tasks to big for them to complete. you need to know your barriers, your values, your abilities, and in the end, you need to be comfortable with who you are, understand who you are, and be strong in what you believe in (not necessarily religion, but i guess that applies as well). for example, if someone walks up to me and says, tony you need to get pregnant (LOL) i know that, that is just not happening for clear reasons. now thats a very dramatic example but the context still applies in the end. another example, if someone tells me that Linkin Park sucks and that they have no talent, i will argue back because i am strong in what i believe in, my values, and for the most part, im comfortable with myself. i do not give a ********** if someone think otherwise, i like what i like, and they are just going to have to deal with it. this example applies to the same values and system i explained earlier but in different context. these values and being comfortable with yourself basically says how happy you are going to be in life. a guy could have little to nothing, but still be happy. and a millionaire can be depressed, you all know the drill. if that guy with little to nothing takes what he has and makes the best of it, why shouldn't he be happy? im getting way of context here, but its coming down to being reasonable with your resolutions and promises and being comfortable with yourself.

now, to move on to something a little more depressing, but it still has the same idea as a new years resolution. I strongly believe in this... Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment. think about it, hope sets you up for the possibility for failure. never play with hope, always go with instinct and a sure thing, settle for nothing less than the best, be the best you can be. people who hope to accomplish some of these resolutions are naive, for example, i know a guy who said he has like 40 new years resolutions and actually named each and every one off for me, many of them being so broad and general. im thinking to myself, dude, your setting yourself up for failure, for disappointment, this is false hope at its finest. anyone can get lucky, but the lucky can't get everything. hope, also sets up the possibility of success, but also the possibility of failure, you can't get one without the other in some way.. this is my thinking

hope is the first step on the road to disappointment.

So that's it for today, i thought of another topic while typing this up actually, but thats for another blog

i would just like to thank every single person who even glanced at my blog, trolled my blog, hated my blog, commented on the blog, liked my blog, and anything else in between. all of you really make me want to keep on posting more and more of these, its a joy to write these now. im doing this blog for me, but its nice to know that i can do it for others as well, so a sincere thank you from me :)

the song of the day is by Linkin Park( again, sorry they are just the best thing ever in my eyes), and, well, its not even really a song, its a speech by Martin Luther King Jr. and its been beautifully, if not masterfully portrayed in this compilation by Linkin Park... its incredibly moving to me, and i hope to you as well. The song is off their album A Thousand Suns, and is called Wisdom, Justice, and Love. the way King's voice becomes more and more robotic and emotionless and ruthless as the song moves onward is masterfully done, and the concept behind it is beautiful. i hope you all understand it. This speech by Martin Luther is about how we as human beings are becoming more and more ruthless towards each other. As the song progresses onwards, King's voice becomes increasingly more emotionless and robotic just like we humans are becoming so emotionless to the point that we can do such horrible things, as mentioned in the speech, to each other.

Linkin Park: "Wisdom, Justice and Love" off their album A Thousand Suns

another day, another year... its incredible to think that this year im graduating highschool, and going to university and moving out... i feel like i have been ready for years but now that its finally here... i really regret not doing everything i could in life so far. The King of Regret, i have become

a very happy new year to you all

Peace out Sucka's!
Ciao