Was it a dream?

Hey
hows it going? good i hope, if not, hopefully this blog can cheer you up.

So there's a couple of things I want to talk about today.

First off, I'm going to address people who post things on Facebook and twitter like "i hope i don't wake up tomorrow" and "i hate my life" and "Ive had enough kill me"... look I understand that you might have a lot of problems in your life and that's understandable why you might think like this. But the way I look at it, is life doesn't love anyone.. it doesn't favor anyone.. its not going to give you special treatment. sometimes it cripples people. Life is Never going to love you, so you have to love life. i hope that makes sense to people, because I can't see a better way of looking at life. it is stagnant, neutral, its what is letting us breath every day and live our lives... OUR LIVES, not Life's Lives! life can't dictate who you are.why is a rich man who has seemingly everything, unhappy. and why a poor man can be satisfied with the simplest of things, or why a kid might have the best time ever just playing ball with his dad... something seemingly insignificant brought to LIFE BY US. we dictate how our lives turn out, not life. I understand that disease and extreme poverty or bullying can really get in the way, but you have to appreciate everything you can in life. I understand disease, i have friends and family who have disease.. the kind that kills.. yet they just keep on going, happy to still exist, savoring every day, just trying to smile and help others smile. is there a better purpose in life than to make people happy and to just laugh? this is a sensitive topic, i know. but when it comes down to it, appreciate what you have... and appreciate everyone around you. I used to do this kind of thing a lot... a lot... i was looking for attention, for someone to care. by doing that, i was making people do the opposite. Don't expect everything to fall neatly in place right in front of you ripe for the picking, because it rarely will. like a girl? ask her out. Want to play better in a sport? train, practice. want to do good in school? do homework and study. want sympathy and help for your problems... that would really help you... find friends that truly care about your well being over theirs.  I would like to remind everyone that, since this is a sensitive topic, that this is all of my opinion, and is not necessarily right... probably not right at all. this is how i look at it, and I've had success. so i hope you can too. and remember, easier said than done... everything is.

I think about this as well, that really helps me. Life, Dreams, Death. This sequence is not always linear. tell me if you want me to further elaborate in the next post, because i have a lot to say on this. i just don't want this post being too long... probably going to happen anyways.


 And this brings me to my second point... after an epic discussion with a friend last night... the kind we used to do all the time back in grade school and early high school... god i miss those days. anyways, after talking for a while... i figured something out that i think really applies. Your friends, are your personality. your friends shape who you are, and you shape your friends. you are your friends, and your friends are you. well if they are true friends who actually care about your well being then they are.... like it goes without saying that I would die for my friends. this is how my friend group is anyways, and i think that this concept of your friends are your personality.. really makes sense. maybe it applies to you and your friends? that would be pretty cool. I don't know if i can really say anything else about this... its hard for me to translate my thoughts into writing... but i hope this makes sense to people.

that's today's post. its much shorter than the last... and i hope you liked it. if you didn't then im sorry and ill try better next time. these posts i make are off of ideas in my head.. some will always be better than others.

 The song of the day is by Coldplay... yes i also like Coldplay. sorry if you don't but i think their music is brilliant and soothing. the song is called Clocks off their album A Rush of Blood to the Head. I hope you enjoy it as much as i do :)

Coldplay: "Clocks" off their album "A Rush of Blood to the Head"

that's it. today s post. thank you for reading. thank you for looking at it, then stop reading half way or even a quarter through. thanks for even acknowledging this blogs existence. thank you all.
compliments help people who are having a bad day, so remember to say them every now and then. you never know how far some simple words might go.
until next time :)
Ciao

What Happened Then, A Thought for Now

Hey, welcome back to another episode of Tony's Cold Day in the Sun
... by the way, i don't think i have ever really said why i even chose that name for a title to this blog. well first off, the phrases are perfect opposite. The sun represents warmth, heat, light... yet the cold represents...well being cold and darkness and solitude. quite the contrast, i think its great how it represents so many things in just a couple of words. they completely contradict one another, yet we all know that its happened before... those winter days where the sun is out but the cold will not leave (yeah, remembering those recess days at school now right? god i miss elementary). but besides that, I also think it shows opportunity, how the sun still shines despite conditions presented. it still attempts to provide warmth, light, and keep life alive on the planet.... something we can all learn from. you have to try your best in everything you can, and know your responsibilities... and sometimes, despite the odds, you need to stand up and shine. Having a bad day? make it awesome, or at least try. if you don't try you can never succeed, and the golden words from Mr. Wayne Gretzky, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take" is all you need sometimes to get something out of nothing. Its also a Foo Fighters song, which is just very unique because their drummer takes the stage and sings this song, while the singer Dave Grohl took on the role of drummer, and played this song. its different, you can almost feel the cold in the song, but at the same time there is this energy... i think its pretty cool. anyways, that is why i chose it, for the above reasons. I thought it was appropriate... but maybe not anymore.

This blog is going under critical review, and a change in style might be happening... everything is in question at this point... I need a new direction, or at least a new take on this blog. I'm currently thinking about how im going to overhaul this blog so that it meets this new style im trying to grasp. So expect these next couple of blog posts to be random at best. Call it a transformation, a transition period.


well, the experiment is complete. for those who don't know, look at the previous posts, some of them are what i call "experiments". you will see if you decide to... anyways for the time being im shelving that idea. i might bring it back, but in good time. for those who did read those, i thank you for the support and time you took out of your day, even if it was just a minute, to read it. I hope you enjoyed them.

also, most of my posts have been more like a rant, not a post. but thats just how I write... and some posts might still be like that. but im going to try to change it up a bit, give the reader more variety than im currently offering. I'm trying to make the best blog experience for both myself in terms of expression, opinion, and freedom of speech; and for the reader in terms of variety. so maybe not for a couple of posts... weeks maybe. but eventually, there will be change.

I want to say more, but im going to keep some info in the dark for now... a lot of ideas are still too rough and too much just in my head to explain. So there's my update. Thank you if you are still reading, and if not, im sorry about wasting your life. go get that 2 minutes back of your life.

There is an.... idea for today though.
First off, i would like to apologize for not writing for a while... trust me i have tried.. I have 6 blog posts still in"review" due to their sheer randomness and potential controversy... and they kind of suck. I might post them later, but tonight this is what I have come up with.
Second. I would like to claim that I am a selfless bastard. why? If your reading this, you probably know me. I sacrifice my own interests for the interests of others... I try my best to make others happy. but this is because I want to make others feel happy, to make myself feel happy... because I know it will. All the wrong reasons right... well that's me. I'm not a saint that's easy to tell, but guess what you're no angel either. we are all equal, everyone has their flaws. love, is growing to love these flaws and accept them. the best kind of love is the unconditional kind (fuck, that sounds like its from Anderson's religion class  or something...).
Third. I would like to state that I have the best friends...seriously. Me and my friends have stuck together for years now... some through all of elementary school as well. We all stuck by our values and interests, and were still standing tall, holding the line. Other friends, have drifted away started drinking and smoking and doing drugs...
Fourth.... which brings me to a very controversial point... that I don't think some people might want to read. but remember, this is a matter of my opinion being posted in writing. if you have a problem with what I am about to say, come take it up with me in person... I would be happy to oblige. Doing drugs is fucking. stupid. say what you want, but this is my opinion, and I have no lack of respect or loss of likeness in people who do drugs, because the majority are awesome people. But i just think its pointless. same with drinking excessively underage. don't get me wrong, a couple of beers doesn't do anything, and won't hurt anybody, but drinking to much (mostly speaking to underage) is also just pointless in my eyes, and like i said above i have no lack of respect or likeness in people who do this because again, majority of the people who do this are really awesome people... but if you need an external substance to have fun or relieve stress or whatever you might say its good for... go back to your childhood roots. remember back in the day when recess was the best part of the day? when in the summer time, even though there was only 15 minutes for one small recess, people would run out to the field with smiles that could crack open the gates of heaven themselves, and just have fun? Now obviously when you grow up interests change and things.... but you don't need something external to have fun. Me and my friends have the best times just hanging out at lunch at school, or on the weekend playing risk, or on Xbox playing a game. I don't know, just my opinion. The other side of the argument is probably much more valid, but this is my point of view.
Fifth. I swear that i was adopted or something... or that i was born in the wrong time period.... i just feel like i don't fit in with many societal norms. Person: "Hey Tony are you going to semi?" Me: "nah" Person: "Why not? its so much fun" me: "id rather just go for a run". Person: ".......... ok :s" (walks away because of socially awkward Tony)


ok... if you have made it this far, you can see that im writing these a little different... and they will continue to become stranger and stranger. but you know what? as stated in one of my previous posts.... fuck it. and im sorry for my language... im just thinking out loud (also stated in one of my previous posts)

Im still going to do a song of the day.... but here is what i am thinking. i might post recordings or videos of me playing the song instead of just putting up the song... or maybe do a video log at the end of each week or something... i have no clue. any ideas or feedback (good or bad feedback, i love it all) would be greatly appreciated.

But today's song of the day is by 30 Seconds to Mars. don't like them? I like them, so yea.... The song im going to share with all of you wonderful people who are reading this blog is... a couple of songs. its hard to get a hold of this bands sound sometimes. so im going to post a couple of songs that I listen to a lot... I hope you all like them:)

30 Seconds to Mars: "Anarchy in Tokyo" off their album B- Sides and Rarities

30 Seconds to Mars: "A Beautiful Lie" off their album A Beautiful Lie (HIGHLY RECOMMEND ENTIRE ALBUM :) )

30 Seconds to Mars: "Echelon" off their self- titled album 30 Seconds to Mars

Well... thats it. Thank you all... and remember.. compliments are pretty cool to give to people.
see you all next time... well maybe not everyone who reads this. but maybe there will be some people who read the next one, and maybe some people who have read the ones before this, maybe even the few people who initially read the experiments.

Anyways :)

Ciao

Held the Darkness Over Day, that Night

Hey, how's everyone doing this fine day? (or whatever day you may be reading this on)
So, tomorrows Valentines day. There's a lot more I could say about this day, but when it comes down to it I say let people enjoy it if they have that significant other to enjoy it with, and those who don't can make the day their own, enjoy it in their own way, instead of whining and complaining... something I have been notorious for over my lifetime. Come to think of it, a significant portion of my life has been spent looking for pity and compassion.... I've only realized in the past months that what I have been doing was just plain old pathetic, but that's okay. You live and you learn right? Don't regret things, just reflect, learn, and move on. These things build character ... or at least that's what a good teacher has told me.

Anyways, today's topic is going to be about a couple of different things. First and foremost, Valentines Day.... What I think of it (expanding off the intro), what other people think of it, why it is important, and why it has such an effect on peoples emotions.
So Valentines Day... lived through 17 so far, so why cant I live through another? The day itself is just an ordinary day, but it has been Westernized and thrown at us through consumerism(im not sure if that is the right term, please correct me if I am wrong). It emphasizes romantic relationships and Western 'Love' so much that it almost does the opposite in turn... people without someone to share this exclusive experience with feel intensely left out, unloved, and generally not important. Me personally, I have felt it makes you feel like a complete outcast in a sense. But lets face it, its just another day of the week. You can choose to make it special if you wish, but in regards of not making it special, just treat it like any other day... and if its too hard to do that make it special, just not through love if love is not possible. I remember 2 years ago, what I did for Valentines day since nobody showed the slightest interest in me, was I went paint balling, and afterwards went home and watched Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (fucking love star wars). Sure I didn't have a love to share it with, but I had an awesome Valentines day. Doesn't have to be about love, make it about you. Take Valentines Day, kick its ass, and make it an excuse to just treat yourself if you can't treat others. Another great option is Charity, I know plenty of people who have done charity work Valentines day... what better way to spend Valentines day, the day of love by definition, and share your unconditional love with those who could truly use it.
Valentines Day is by no means a holiday that should be missed or 'deleted', but In my opinion (like every single blog post, remember that, all my opinion. probably not right, but in my mind its what i think) I think that it should be viewed from different lenses...if you know what I mean.
Also, guys and girls, Valentines Day doesn't mean that it is one of the only days where you have to be romantic, you should always treat your significant other, like they are your significant other... I don't mean like over-the-top romantic 24/7, but you know everyone could benefit from some more romantic events and surprises, even if it is something little. The little things give you away.... i stand by this statement. you can give her the most romantic, expensive Valentines Day she has ever had, but if you don't have these little moments of romance and love every now and then... it might not last. By no means am I a relationship guru, but that's just my opinion. For example: say your girlfriend stays home sick one day, or is really stressed out, stop by, give her her favourite flowers, tell her you love her, and I bet you that she will appreciate that more than you would think. that doesn't take much effort, much time, or really much thought, but it shows that you pay attention to the little things, and that you even made an effort should show signs of commitment and passion.
Ok... done that spiel. sorry if i got off track. my minds all over the place (like usual), but this blog really helps me clear my mind. just talking about it, ironing out my thoughts and emotions, its nice. nothing bottles up inside this way.
Next topic... well its really a statement. my confidence has skyrocketed in the past few weeks... why? I really have no clue, but all of a sudden.. I just don't care anymore. Like of-course i still care about stuff... but I now look at it this way. Think about it. you could wake up, and literally do whatever the fuck you want... seriously. (sorry for the language) Want to go to Europe? make some money and go. want to kick ass at school or kick someones ass? work at it. want to finally ask the girl you like, out for a movie date? go for it, no one and nothing is stopping you... once i finally drilled that concept into my head, i just don't care about things i used to anymore. I feel like i have really matured as a person, just from understanding that i could literally do whatever the fuck I want. Live life like your jumping off a cliff and you only have so much time to pull out your phone and tell the people you love that you love them and say whatever is left unsaid and everything. Live life like you only have 200 pages to write about your life, better go out there and have some pretty fucking awesome experiences right? exactly. No regrets, just keep moving forward. you only fail if you don't get back up when you fall. so get back up, get back in life's face, and kick its ass.
This post... really didn't have a theme did it... sorry haha. my bad, i just kept typing. I haven't stopped typing since i started. straight, forward thinking. sorry if this post sucks, but this is what it is. appreciate it, hate it, dont have an opinion about it, don't finish reading this, stop reading after this sentence, whatever floats your boat. Im just happy to know that I can vent like this, and knowing that some people actually read my blog(and experiments) really helps to. I would like to thank everyone who has even set eyes upon this blog, yet alone read it and go even further and look for the experiments. each and every one of you kick ass. like me or not, im saying your pretty cool.
Also, im going to do something big tomorrow... we will see how it goes. one can hope.

ok so song of the day... this is a tough choice... I haven't really been listening to one sole artist or song for a while... my iPod hasn't gone off shuffle for weeks.... neither has my computer. One song that has stuck out for me though, is "Summer's End" by "The Foo Fighters" off their album "Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace." This album is easily my favourite album by the Foo Fighters, every song is just brilliant in my opinion. This song has stuck out for me because of the cold weather recently... With little snow mind you. In my opinion... if its going to be cold it might as well be snowing. this isn't even winter anymore, its like a cold fall. the trees are dead, the grass is green, its -3 degrees, then its 6 degrees... at this point I just want it to be summer already... this song reminds me of summer in every aspect. so here it is, I hope you enjoy it as much as i do

"Summer's End" By The Foo Fighters off their album "Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace"

again, i would like to apologize for the inconsistency of this blog, particularly this post. it is what it is though, like it or not, ill keep going.
But a gargantuan thank you to those who do like it and read it, helps keep it going. knowing that people are at least listening, maybe not agreeing or calling me a complete idiot or selfish bastard or whatever it is, but the fact that they are listening is something right?

Thank you for reading,

Ciao

I Beat my Heart for you

What am I thinking... this experiment has gotten out of control. This feeling... is becoming more and more visible. I am starting to understand why I am doing this... and why I must achieve some sort of result... some sort of fucking conclusion to this idea this... epiphany; this love for what can and cannot be achieved. This... seemingly unquenchable desire for life to have meaning again. After all, life without love is a shadow, a haunting... presence, regret, and sorrow. A shadow that derived from no object, no person, is a life without love. A shadow without an owner. This is why I Beat my Heart for you.

The thought stops the beating
It stops even breathing
But yet my heart beats
I beat it for you
The nights start the dreaming
No longer believing
A chance of receding
My heart won't stop bleeding
But still my heart beats
I beat it for you
The sad brings the meaning
The sea shows the screening
The plague is succeeding
The heart should stop beating
Yet still my heart beats
I beat it for you
Your grace keeps me here
Your smile makes the pain disappear
Your voice keeps a breath near
Your eyes make it all so clear
My heart must still beat
I beat it for you
And all the pain I have endured
Is but a token for my undying words
My life, my love, to this I hold true
Forever and Always, I beat my heart for you




I have realized that one should not love because they need, they should need because they love. A result has been made... at last. Though not the direct result I was looking for, I have achieved a personal result... an understanding of sorts.


The wind blows out the candle, and fans the bonfire.

The Reward for Love, is Love

The act of love, is persistence. The difference between Love and Madness is but a shade of grey... yet when love is not madness, it is not  love; For love is only attained by those who believe in the impossible. The only way of finding limits of possible, is by going beyond them into the impossible. Love is what your eyes cannot see; Love is what defines our very existence... for without love our Earth is just a tomb.
We waste our time looking for the perfect love, instead of creating the perfect love. More often than not, when in love we do not act on it, we do not let it be known. Fear takes over, but to fear love is to fear life itself. Why do we fear love? The benefits outweigh the potential costs exponentially, and the reward for love, is love. The greatest reward.
The difference between love and madness is but a shade of grey, a shade that should never be turned away.
Appreciate love, embrace it, cherish it. create your perfect love.


"We loved with a love that was more than love"--Edgar Allan Poe




I am not giving up

Just Thinking out loud

Welcome back one and all to the show

So exams are done, and now a new semester is upon us. What will this bring? Only time will tell I suppose, but I have had a lot on my mind during the month...ish long absence from the blog. A lot of it is really simplistic, some of it depressing, some of it really obvious, some of it strange.. Readers will find out what I mean during the next couple of posts.  Just remember that I'm not trying to bum anyone out, I'm Not trying to be dramatic I'm just thinking out loud. So lets jump right in shall we?

Listen up... are you listening? are you just letting it enter one ear and sending it out the next? there is a difference between Hearing something, and Listening to something... I don't think that people know this difference. I just don't understand why... its not that complicated. Actually care about what someone is saying... because if they are making the effort to talk to you, and not just speak at you, the least you could do is listen, and care. this is another thing... do people know the difference between Talking to someone, and Speaking at someone? I find that this is what separates the music that really impacts people individually and the music that people just like. everyone has that one song that they love... well you should anyways... and for me its basically any Linkin Park song. but things have changed a lot with them. their first 2 albums (incredible btw) are really focused on heavy singing, riffs, rhythm, and more. but their recent 2 albums (also incredible btw) are much different in the means in which they present this style... They have matured and have learned how to sing to people, not at them. think about that... its hard to explain, but i hope you know the difference. this is the same context as listening to someone, and hearing someone, and talking to someone, or speaking at them.  If someone is making the effort tot talk to you, please listen and don't just hear them. respect their effort, and care about what they are saying... this doesn't have to apply to everything now, because not everything needs to be intently listened to, such as jokes with friends or whatever where your just having fun and stuff like that... but there is a time for everything. what sparked this topic in my head was a simple situation that i have seen far too often, but never really saw any meaning in it. here's a scenario that i was placed in. I was out for brunch with my Dad after an early work shift (like 7 freaking am) and beside us was this couple... the girl seemed like she was talking to him, seriously, expecting him to weigh in on her situation and give his support and care... and actually listen... this wasn't happening. the guy was on his phone, looking all around the room, genuinely not giving a ****, and giving one word responses like "yeah" or "ok" or "sure"... what was this dude's problem. across the table from him, was his gorgeous girlfriend making the effort to talk to him and spend time with him and care for him... he didn't give 2 ****s. Then it hit me... I thought to myself "I have seen this way too many times." I know that its a really dumb, simple concept, but its The little things that give you away. the big things in life aren't worth it. it's those small moments of awesomeness or sorrow that people remember and carry with them throughout life. it shapes who you are... in my opinion of course. I don't even know what to say about that guy, but I won't judge.... he could have been tired or not really interested in her anymore or something, but in general ive seen this far too much.. its a grotesque trend that i keep seeing... and this was at the beginning of January. I have seen this at least 3 more times after that, and countless times before. all in all, what i am trying to get at is listen to people, don't just hear them. talk to people, not at them. if someone is making the effort to talk to you, listen, respect, and care. that's all. say what you wish about me or this, but this is what I stand by.
this also goes with texting as well. pet peve of me and a lot of other people i know... don't you hate it when you send a long text and you get like 3 words back? same thing as above. effort made but not respected by the opposite. and when people take forever to respond ( i know people might be busy, but nevertheless it still sucks) and you respond much faster only to get a response 3 hours later... or maybe not at all... and that combined with the 3 word response... just hurts. again, just a text and people have shit to do but jumping out of a window and landing on a flat pillow won't help much.

I have at least another topic really forefront in my head right now, but I need some time to let it settle if you know what I mean. Maybe after some sleep I can process what I am thinking right now. Thank you for reading, and hopefully listening.

the song of the day has got to be the song I have been listening to like mad over the break and during exams. A Linkin Park song... an unreleased song that was supposed to go on their debut album Hybrid Theory but was not put on due to artistic difference from the rest of the album... I really hope that they officially release this song on one of their albums just as a bonus track or something.. because it is truly something special. it captures the essence of loneliness and winter perfectly... i just picture a dark, winter night where the snow is falling gracefully, slowly, yet heavily. i don't know, just me i guess. here it is, and i hope you like it
Linkin Park: My December (unreleased)

Thank you for reading... the new year will hold a lot of surprises, disappointments, and most likely... only a sprinkle of success... but thats all you need. life is about those failures, those bad experiences... it makes the good moments even better. thank you for listening, good night to all

Ciao

shutting her down...for now

hey

so since exams are coming up, im shutting down the blog... for now. i will post something once they are done for sure, but for now i need to focus on school and though i might have things to say, this is secondary to school.

I miiiight post some "Experiments" however, depending on what i come up with. so stay tuned and thank you all

by the way, good luck to anyone writing exams and doing final projects and tests in the coming weeks. we are all going to need it

Ciao

One Winged Angels, face to face